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A letter of application from student.?

1 replies
:
I wrote this text for an application for an English school.

The Question:

''Letter of application from student. This should include, for example, your reasons for choosing the IB course* at XXX(the name of the school); the background to your interests in the subjects** you wish to study; your career aspirations; your social, sporting or other interests and activities."

*IB= International Baccalaureate = a secondary school qualification, like the British A-Levels or the American High School Diploma
**Chemistry, History and Visual Arts

My Answer:

"Well, let me see. About one year ago I started to gather(or collect?) information about spending one or two years abroad to make my school leaving qualification in an English-speaking country.
After a couple of weeks I came upon the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme and got enthusiastic about it and finally(or eventually?) about your school, too.

As to the subjects I can say that I always loved sciences an visual arts. Chemistry, physics and visual arts have been my favourite subjects since I can remember. I like to carry out experiments with my class mates and in those subjects you learn every day new and interesting things. I also love to draw, paint and desing in the visual arts class. And I also took an interest in history lately, because I think it's important and quite interesting to know what happened in the world before our generation.

Right now I have no specific career aspirations. I can(could?) imagine to do something in the art/design line* as well as in the management line, in the chemistry or science line or last but not least in the architect line. As you can see there is a wide range of careers I could imagine to choose, but as I said before I'm not sure right now.

In my spare time I like to go out with my freinds or play or train with my two dogs.
A few years ago I took piano and cello lessons and since one and a half years I play the guitar, what I really like (or enjoy?)."

*line/branch ?

I would be very delighted, if you could take a look at my text and maybe correct it.

Thank You.

Marc
New Member01
:
About one year ago I started to gather(or collect?) [either word is OK] information about spending one or two years abroad in order to obtain my school leaving qualification in an English-speaking country.
After a couple of weeks I came upon the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme and got enthusiastic about it, and about your school.

As to the subjects I can say that I have always loved sciences and visual arts. Chemistry, physics and visual arts have been my favourite subjects since I can remember. I like to carry out experiments with my class mates, and in physics and chemistry you learn new and interesting things every day. I also love to draw, paint and design in the visual arts class. In addition, I've taken an interest in history lately, because I think it's important and quite interesting to know what happened in the world before our generation.

Right now I have no specific career aspirations . At this stage I'm interested in a wide range of careers, including art and design, management, chemistry or science, and architecture.

In my spare time I like to go out with my friends, or play or train with my two dogs.
A few years ago I took piano and cello lessons and I've been playing the guitar for the last one and a half years, which I really like (or enjoy?)."

The style of this document seems a little casual, and somewhat vague. Is it supposed to be a professional document that's written in a formal style?
Junior Member71
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