Jacko  +  6352 Sat, 30 Aug 03 08:55 PM Expunge your mind of any thought Especially that of a distraught Think of who share your friendship Hope you see me in that trip Consider me your friend or not You'll always have a place in my lot I may not make you smile all the time But I'll always share you what is mine Message may not be written by me But its writer's gave it to me for thee To sincerely extend my appreciation For your warmth friendship and devotion Jacko Joined on Fri, Jun 20 2003 Full Member 215 ...Ad Space For Sale... Contact St. Nick for Details

	kitkattail  +  6403 Sun, 31 Aug 03 08:40 PM My little technical objections: 1. "distraught" is not a noun 2. should be "who shareS" 3. fourth line makes no sense to me; what trip? 4. "a place in my lot"???? 5. should be "share WITH you" 6. should be "this message" 7. should be "writers," no apostrophe 8. "thee" is archaic, and seems out of place here 9. "to sincerely extend" is a split infinitive 10. should be "warmth, friendship, and devotion" (commas) 11. You have no punctuation at all in your poem; I'd recommend putting some in so that we know where the sentences start and end. 12. You start with a rhythmic scheme but don't keep to it. Either have one or don't. Content-wise, well, it's what you said it is, one of those poems you send around. Personally, I hate those. Don't ever send it to me. kitkattail Joined on Tue, Aug 12 2003 Toronto Full Member 400 www.kitkattail.blogspot.com Nouns, Punctuation, Apostrophes, Commas

	Jacko  +  6411 Sun, 31 Aug 03 10:05 PM Haha, kit, ya found a lot of errors, but hey poem does not have to be "gramatically correct," right? Or as I've been told. Anyway, thanks for pointing those out, but yeah, the main idea is the only one I really care about, like for example, there should be a "with" after the third line, but I did not care. Jacko

	maj  +  6416 Sun, 31 Aug 03 10:38 PM I know that you have spotted some mistakes but I still think it is a nice poem because it moves me. Right, distraught isn´t a noun but rhymes with thought. Who shareS, correct. It wouldn't be the tenth time that I have heard some native speakers make a mistake by not using the third person singular correctly. Trip and lot are fine by me, so is message. Writers no apostrophe, ok. Ok maybe you could have used a few commas.hehe. I don't think you were trying to write a masterpiece. On the whole, the poem was nice. maj Nouns, Apostrophes, Commas

	kitkattail  +  6457 Mon, 01 Sep 03 04:26 AM You are right: a poem doesn't have to be grammatically correct. But you should only break the rules of grammar in poetry (and elsewhere) when there is a purpose in doing so, not "just because." Okay, I'll make myself stop right here before I get to ranting. This is the sort of statement that REALLY PISSES ME OFF. *twitch* *convulsions on the floor* kitkattail Grammar

	Woodward  +  6602 Tue, 02 Sep 03 04:23 AM I like it, what will happen if I send it to more than 5 people. Don't you normally get something or want some miracle happen? I never send them anyway but I always laugh at the things that get offered. Why don't you complete it and say what will happen? Woodward Joined on Tue, Jun 24 2003 A New Zealander in Chile Senior Member 2,747 Don't let schooling interfere with your education. www.grammar.cl - www.vocabulary.cl

	Jacko  +  6762 Wed, 03 Sep 03 08:36 AM What if let's make it an open poem and finish it? Actually, we can start afresh, then at the end of the poem, we put: EnglishForums.com, blah, blah, blah... Jacko