We have partnered with TradePub to bring you free industry magazines and resources - no coupons or credit cards required!

Visit: englishforums.tradepub.com


Share this topic:
This is a discussion thread.
Latest post Thu, Nov 27 2008 4:06 PM by Bassim. 2 replies.
| |
Bassim  +  595987 Wed, 26 Nov 08 09:50 PM
Please, would you proofread the third part of my short story.

When the dictator finally came out of the wreckage and let his eyes sweep around he only saw cliffs, boulders and huge, stones with sparsely growing gnarled trees. There were no signs of roads, paths or other signs of civilisation. The sun was scorching and sweat appeared on his face. His legs wobbled confronted with such an unfriendly landscape.

At the time when this was happening the mobile phone was not invented nor the computer and for the news to travel it usually took days if not many weeks. The dictator could have got lost and never returned alive in this remote place which probably not a human being had been visited for hundreds of years. What was going to happen if he met people and they recognized him? He had killed thousands of innocent just for fun. Some of them were flayed alive and while they were screaming in agony he used to poke at their eyes with needles as children do with balloons. Now he was risking the same kind of torture applied on his own body. Suddenly, an inexplicable coldness penetrated his body and  his bones although the temperature was above 30 Celsius degrees. He felt intense thirst, his potbelly was empty craving for food. If they did not kill him, he was not going to survive in this harsh area anyway.

Never in his life had he needed to cook or buy food as ordinary people do, not to mention that he did not know how to boil an egg or make some other simple dish.It was the first time that he was completely alone: an easy prey for everyone as well humans as animals.In such a mountainous region there were always dangerous predators like wolves and bears. They could tear him to pieces, abandoning the rest of his body to the vultures and other smaller animals. At the end the only trace of him would be his dry bones scattered around in  nature.

He was trying to walk, but already after  few steps he stumbled and fell down hurting his knee on the sharp stone. His expensive hand- made shoes were not suitable for this kind of terrain. Bleeding, he desperately searched for a sign which would have showed him where to go, but after years living in opulence his senses have become numb and he was hopeless and miserable. Suddenly, he noticed an animal coming towards him and his heart froze with fear. He thought it was a wolf, but when it started bleating he was relieved and felt ashamed. The most powerful person in the country was afraid of a harmless goat! There followed few more animals and their presence gave him a hope."Whenever there are goats, there must be humans too," he thought. And as if God himself had been listening to him he heard someone's shoes clattering. A dog gave a loud bark. He went down to his knees and hid himself behind the rock.

To be continued...
Joined on Thu, Nov 20 2008
SWEDEN, Uppsala
New Member 13
julielai  +  596849 Thu, 27 Nov 08 03:33 PM

When the dictator finally came out of the wreckage and let his eyes sweep around he only saw cliffs, boulders and huge, stones with sparsely growing gnarled trees. There were no signs of roads, paths or other signs of civilisation. The sun was scorching and there was sweat appeared on his face. His legs wobbledseeing such an unfriendly landscape.

At the time when this was happening the mobile phone was not invented nor the computer and for the news to travel it usually took days if not many weeks. (odd place to mention this) The dictator could have got lost and never returned alive in this remote place which probably not a human being had been visited for hundreds of years. What was going to happen if he met people and they recognized him? He had killed thousands of innocent just for fun. Some of them were flayed alive and while they were screaming in agony he used to poke at their eyes with needles as children do with balloons. Now he was risking the same kind of torture applied on his own body. Suddenly, an inexplicable coldness penetrated his body and  his bones although the temperature was above 30 Celsius degrees. He felt intense thirst, his potbelly was empty craving for food. If they did not kill him, he was not going to survive in this harsh area anyway.

Never in his life had he needed to cook or buy food as ordinary people do, not to mention that he did not know how to boil an egg or make some other simple dish.It was the first time that he was completely alone: an easy prey for everyone as well humans and animals.In such a mountainous region there were always dangerous predators like wolves and bears. They could tear him to pieces, abandoning the rest of his body to the vultures and other smaller animals. At the end the only trace of him would be his dry bones scattered around in  nature.

He was trying to walk, but already after  few steps he stumbled and fell down, hurting his knee on the sharp stone. His expensive hand- made shoes were not suitable for this kind of terrain. Bleeding, he desperately searched for a sign which would have showed him where to go, but after years of living in opulence his senses have become numb and he was hopeless and miserable. Suddenly, he noticed an animal coming towards him and his heart froze with fear. He thought it was a wolf, but when it started bleating he was relieved and felt ashamed. The most powerful person in the country was afraid of a harmless goat! There followed few more animals and their presence gave him a hope."Whenever there are goats, there must be humans too," he thought. And as if God himself had been listening to him he heard someone's shoes clattering. A dog gave a loud bark. He went down to his knees and hid himself behind the rock.

Joined on Sun, Oct 24 2004
Senior Member 3,827
Just another blogger (http://hk.myblog.yahoo.com/julie-lai)
Bassim, 359 days ago
Dear julielai.

Thank you a thousand times!
© MediaCet Ltd. 2009, v5.0.3607.32596. All content posted by our users is a contribution to the public domain, this does not include imported usenet posts.*
For web related enquires please contact us on webmaster@mediacet.com, status updates are available at status.mediacet.com.
*Usenet post removal: Use 'X-No-Archive'. You may not have understood that your posts would end up in the public domain. Please send proof of the poster's email, we will remove immediately.