Here's the next installment to my essay.

 Dear Admissions Committee:

   I am a prospective student applying for admission to the fashion design program at the Fashion Institute of Technology.

   As far back as I can remeber, even as a small child, I recognized in myself a deep passion for fashion and had the ultimate goal of becoming a top designer for the fashion and entertainment industries.  I believe that FIT will be a great buliding block toward that goal.  After learning of your school's history and reputation for developing the finest designers in the industry, I know that attending the institute would gain for me the training and experience I need to attain my ultimate goal.  I am a hard-working, determined, creative individual who will strive to surpass expectations and I hope to be able to contribute to the school's repute. 

   Question:  I want to add a childhood example of how I have always loved fashion.  The example is that I used to make clothes for my Barbie dolls out of colorful socks and scraps of fabric.  My favorite game to play was fashion show where I'd show off the clothes that I had made.  How and where should I do this?

   As a very goal-oriented person, I have already set a few standards for myself to achieve my final goal.  First, I want to acquire the necessary skills to achieve in the fashion industry by attending a prominent school, such as FIT.  Secondly, I plan to obtain an internship with a recognized designer or company, such as Christian Dior, Yves Saint Laurent, or Michael Kors.  Finally, i will use my experience in school and work to strike out on my own with my line or company. 

   How does it sound so far?  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.