Please, can I get some advises on my essay?

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Zfpinto  #333195  Mon, 26 Feb 07 12:56 AM

I wrote this essay as an assessment to evaluate my 'english academic wrting skills'. I tried to keep a good paragraph coherence and clear subject for each one. I know it is a long essay (about 2000 words) but I really appreciate if some one could give me some advises to improve or correct it. Thank a lot in advance. It is as it follows:



First of all we need to understand what is design and what is a designer. Or at least frame a historical ground to better understand in which point of evolution it is, as well its mission and its focus. It is also essential that we realize its role in contemporary societies and its concerns, worries and ethical values. Most of all it is imperative that we recognize the needs of our globalized world today and identify strategies to avoid the predicted dark future scenarios. We need to build a better world in the twenty-first century. We need a super hero Who can help us? Who can save the Earth?

The words "design" and "designer" are a relatively recent creation. They result, as it is known, of the enlargement and increase of complexity of the artistic world creation as a consequence of the Industrial Revolution. That revolution, in matter, created the identification of a new territory of tasks and functions, closer to industry, and demanding the investigation of new matters and techniques, the rehearsal in new ways more and more in teamwork.

In nowadays, understand the mission of design demands that we identify its target. The concept of object, in the occidental world, is a consequence of the Industrial Revolution. Since than, what is considered product, commodity, would assume at its functionality, goal, meaning and also in its own value, the status of object, assuming itself definitely as sign. The perception of the outlines and codes of the global trends is exponentiated by the unquestionable importance of globalized economy where the actual praxis of design is framed. In this context we should understand the world as the object-limit of design once its projective nature aims act, not only on the object, considered individually, but mostly on the world. 

Design is a basic question in the contemporary culture because of its expansive as well its imperative character. This fact brings with it internal diffidences in the relation of design with other cultural practical domains and fidgets regarding its nature and specificity to the domain of design and its operators.

We should start from the assumption that we are in an age of “total design”. The recognition of the increasingly expansive character of design is, in general, identified with an enhancement of almost all the things to a social and cultural discursively. But, “total design ” is, inversely, the process for which the productions and accomplishments of the culture tend to present themselves as affected for almost an inevitability and immediateness, proper of the nature. The age of “design total” is, therefore, the age where everything or almost everything is seem to be the result of a natural history, being at the same time, however, entirely intentioned, entirely conceived and entirely designed. That is, the culture, in its state of “total design” is the culture in the age of the deletion of the border between natural and artificial, the moment where, what it is entirely intentioned for the man, it is tend to present itself as purely natural. 

The designers, also artists and no mere problem solution providers through the creation of objects strictly appropriate to the requested functions, are gaining increasing importance as coordinator of the problem solving process as innovation and new technologies become more significant in the design process. The ethical function is today considered by the most conscious designers as part of the totality of the aspects of utilitarian order to safeguard, once the design is understood as project activity for the man in the world, for the values in him framed, social, biological, psychological, ergonomic, cultural, and aesthetic, among others. The increasing complexities and demands for multi-disciplinary teamwork in the product development process demand a more holistic approach, which is one of the modern industrial designers’ greatest attributes.”

To realize the ethical impact of designers, we must identify what effects they are capable to introduce in our lives. To identify these possible effects it is essential to understand what designers actually do. This is not easy because design is a multi faceted activity that includes a wide range of different approaches and methods. Where others may use linear methods, designers use a more fluent non-categorical approach. Design can be understood as an effective mode of management once it solve problems, but in a rather special way. While scientists and technologist focus on the physical aspects of social metabolisms, with the aim of avoiding environmental catastrophes, other social actors, including designers, should focus on supporting a transition towards a more sustainable system, avoiding major social (and therefore cultural, political and economical) catastrophes (Manzini 2000).

According to some studies sustainability in a long term future is only possible if resource consumption on the planet is reduced by 10 times, meaning that the production and consumption system needs to become ten times more efficient in the use of resources.  Technological development does not seem to be sufficient to produce such a dramatic efficiency improvement. Such a change calls for new development models, involving substantial social and cultural changes. The design strategies framed in this perspective should refer to new scenarios, outlining new ways of living and new cultural and social models. For this reason the debate on design for sustainability should be based on a higher awareness of social and cultural processes, rather than on a pure technology driven logic. 

Unlimited growth on our limited earth is not possible. The report “The Limits to Growth” to the Club of Rome in 1972 concluded that “If the present growth trends in world population, industrialization, pollution, food production, and resource depletion continue unchanged, the limits to growth on this planet will be reached sometime within the next one hundred years. The most probable result will be a rather sudden and uncontrollable decline in both population and industrial capacity.” The crude oil price will be in 2020 five times more expensive then it is now, as its reserves will decrease to became insignificant in 2050. Typical for the leaving trend of material mass consumption was a careless treatment of the global resources. Especially those areas depending on petrol are facing increasing problems. We are forced to look for new and sustainable concepts to avoid a upcoming catastrophic development. Sustainability can be achieved through simultaneous and equal application of ecologic, economic and social aims.

The British movement Arts and Crafts paved the way for the Deutscher Werkbund (1907-1935) and later the Bauhaus (1919-1933) to ensure that successful industries realised the value of embedding artistic endeavour alongside technological progress into their mass produced products. Since 200 years ago design has been successfully converting financial, technical, human and natural capital into materialised, and more recently de-materialised, products and services for the ‘consumer’ and ‘knowledge’ economies. Design is the key agent of change, but especially in its more recent years, has been an agent of acceleration. Designers has been the great enabler of the exponential speed of change that has occurred in man’s desire and ability to create new economic models which affect the practical fabric and philosophy of everyday human life.

From the green consumerism, which briefly surfaced in the late 1980s in Europe and the USA, emerged an ongoing debate on Design for Sustainability. DfS has evolved from earlier debates on ‘green’ design, ‘eco-design’ and sustainable design’. Despite differences of opinion there is universal agreement that DfS is concerned with addressing the role of design in moving towards more sustainable development. The trinity of sustainable development is economic viability, environmental responsibility and social responsibility, the EES model, or as it is often mentioned 'the triple bottom line'.

Economy is a constraint to DfS in the EES model. If designers continue a ‘business as usual approach’ they will continue to serve interests which control the economic model. In short, designers will continue as enablers of industry, the adjective ‘designer’ will be synonymous with ‘stylist’. On the one hand, examination of statements from a cross section of the design community, albeit entirely from the ‘developed’ world, gives cause for celebration once one in five of the interviewed designers recognised the DfS debate. On the other hand, DfS appears to have failed to cement itself into the vision of most of the world’s leading and emergent designers, as most designers, even including those with DfS issues, seemed to place themselves entirely within the system of the ‘consumer’ and ‘knowledge’ economy models.

Designers have shown consistent concern for design which improves our lives, but to date most of their energy has been applied to oiling the wheels of various economic models. Most designers frequently voice frustration over their focus constraints, directed to economies, markets, consumers. To create new focus for design it is essential to, initially, remove the constraint of the economic marketplace which tends to dominate the model. Then, inspired by Victor Papanek and Ezio Manzini, it is necessary to create several focus which centre on the ethical concept of ‘well-being’: environmental well-being, sociocultural well-being and the well-being of individuals. The new design model will not only “save the world” but also “save designers”.

The new design model can search much wider for its definitions of wellbeing, while the economic marketplace equates the concept of individual well-being with material acquisition. The new design model can represent the voices of all stakeholders, while the conversation about environmental and socio-cultural well-being in the economic marketplace is largely couched the financial stakeholders. The message of a design which balances individual, socio-economic and environmental well-being will be different from the current commercial interests which, used to foster the idea of the creation of identity through consumption, is exploited to meet the desires of ownership and status.

The new design model for the twenty-first century fits the title of 'slow design'. It is 'slow' because this model is free from the time constraint of the economic matter, avoiding to compete within the technological progress field, branding and commercial globalisation, taking design beyond the needs of the marketplace. Its role is to balance the well-being between socio-cultural, individual and environment dimensions. Instead of celebrating the smallest, biggest, fastest, it celebrates the de commodification of time, balancing booth Earth and anthropocentric needs.

The septics will argue that it is not possible to remove economic constraints from this model. But slow design is about minimising negative impacts on the environment and society while optimising performance and well-being. The satisfaction of human needs is achieve through economic interests gather around products, services and buildings. New products and buildings in the spirit of slow design are already becoming commercial reality (table 2). Therefore, it have a lot to do with competitiveness, hence focused out of economic constraints.

Designers have now the opportunity to undress the suit label of stylists and enablers of commercial gain. Slow design restores the debate on the role of design in the twenty-first century to secure a better present and a more sustainable future, even though it focus on the 'present continuous' rather than on the future. Its success lays down on its relevance to the wellbeing of humanity and the global environment.

Slow design and the age of total design provide the necessary ground to designers experience real freedom. It improves our lives as well our societies and cultures simultaneous, and contributes to restore the health of our environment while it begins the process of regenerating humankind and the planet. Designers have now the opportunity to dress the suit of super hero and lead the changing to a better world.

  
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Grammar Geek  #333234  Mon, 26 Feb 07 04:33 AM
 Zfpinto wrote:

I wrote this essay as an assessment to evaluate my 'english academic wrting skills'. I tried to keep a good paragraph coherence and clear subject for each one. I know it is a long essay (about 2000 words) but I really appreciate if some one could give me some advises to improve or correct it. Thank a lot in advance. It is as it follows:

.

Zfpinto, welcome to the forums. But you said yourself that this purpose of this sample is to evaluate your writing skills, and it seems like it would be cheating to help correct this. Also, an essay this long is REALLY asking a lot of the volunteers who come here. If you have a specific question about a paragraph you are struggling with, you could post that, but a 2000-word essay that is supposed to reflect your own abilities is not really a fair thing to ask us to improve.

That said, note that you have "septics" where you mean "sceptics." Also, I would advise against starting with a conjunction "Or..." "And..." very often in academic writing, and certainly not in your second sentence.

  
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Zfpinto  #333387  Mon, 26 Feb 07 04:40 PM
Thank you for your reply and for the advises. That was just what I was looking for.
About the essay, I should say that I am not cheating at all. I was looking for a professional opinion about the paragraphs' coherence. I wish it would be a short one, but the guidelines were this: 8-pages essay.
Again, thank you very much!
  
Grammar Geek  #333395  Mon, 26 Feb 07 05:01 PM

Hello again,

Please don't think that those were the only comments that would apply to your essay. Take this paragraph, for example:

In nowadays, understand the mission of design demands that we identify its target. The concept of object, in the occidental world, is a consequence of the Industrial Revolution. Since than, what is considered product, commodity, would assume at its functionality, goal, meaning and also in its own value, the status of object, assuming itself definitely as sign. The perception of the outlines and codes of the global trends is exponentiated by the unquestionable importance of globalized economy where the actual praxis of design is framed. In this context we should understand the world as the object-limit of design once its projective nature aims act, not only on the object, considered individually, but mostly on the world. 

In nowadays = Today, or "In modern times"

 understanding the mission of design requires that we identify its [whose?] target.

The concept of object [??], in the modern Western world, is a result of the Industrial Revolution.

Since then, what is considered a product, or commodity, would assume [who assumes?] that its functionality, goal, meaning and also in its own value, the status of object, assuming itself definitely as a sign of what??. [I simply have no idea what you mean here!]

The perception of the outlines and codes of the global trends is exponentiated [?] by the unquestionable importance of globalized economy where the actual praxis [?] of design is framed. In this context we should understand the world as the object-limit of design once its projective nature aims act, not only on the object, considered individually, but mostly on the world. 

I think you are trying to be too "high minded" in your writing, and the result is that it's almost meaningless. After reading this paragraph twice, I have absolutely NO idea what you are trying to say.

Take a look at the online writing lab for Purdue University. (Google it and you'll find it easily.) They have a LOT of advice about academic writing.

  
Zfpinto  #333527  Tue, 27 Feb 07 12:53 AM

Hello and once again thanks a lot for all the advices and tips!

But should I say that there are some issues which I don't understood. I take my audience in care, meaning that I'm writing for the Academia, specially for the design field "people". I re-wrote the paragraph as it follows. I really appreciate that you comment this one, and I promised it will be last.

Today, understanding the mission of design requires that we identify its [I'm writing about the mission of design. So, it is design's target and/or mission's target (it is irrelevant for the whole idea)] target. The concept of object [theoretical context: the philosophical definition of "object"] , in the Western [generally speaking, by opposition to the "concept of object" in the Oriental world, which is different; I can't use here modern as it could be misunderstood with the modern movement (artistical or architectural)] world, is a result of the Industrial Revolution. Since then, what is considered a product, or commodity, would assume not only in its [the products' functionality or commodities' functionality ] functionality, but also in its goal, in its meaning and also in its own value, the status of object, becoming itself definitely a sign [semiotic reference]. The perception of the outlines and codes of the global trends is exponentiate [the perception grows in a exponential way; the word 'exponentiate' is a suggestion of the OpenOffice dictionary...] by the unquestionable importance of the globalized economy where the actual praxis [practice theory (please check http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/praxis)] of design is framed. In this context we should understand the world as the object-limit of design once its projective nature aims act, not only on the object, considered individually, but mostly on the world (Moura, 2005).




  
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