Alternative swear words...

Hello

What an interesting question! It got me thinking, and gave me an opportunity to explore Jonathan Green's Big Book of Being Rude (edited from the Cassel's Dictionary of Slang).

Green's highly readable selection of words is divided into several chapters, the heading most appropriate for your purposes would seem to be Stupid, Irritating and Contemptible. Here is a selection, I hope you will find them useful:

dicksplash (a personal favourite during my childhood in Canada, but has fallen into relative disuse in recent times)

the Irish tend to favour eedjit/eejit/ijit

My grandmother and fiancee (not one and the same) are both keen on "Daft 'a'peth". 'a'peth being an abbreviation of ha'peth.

You may also hear people being described as being "somewhat akin to a fool". Alternatively, suggesting someone is a "banana" is not likely to be taken as a complement.

I hope this short selection helps, for more information see

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0304368253/sr=8-2/qid=1140973198/ref=sr_1_2/002-0363286-3232878?%5Fencoding=UTF8

Matt

a tool is usually someone everyone knows and acts selfish, conceited, and/or can't keep his word.  like "god ya know billy, ya the guy we play b-ball with...he is such a tool"  generally when i want to call someone an "ass" i do...but if thats offensive try "dumb ***" or "retard" "***-o"  and as for "***" you can try "dipshit" or "douche bag"...all the same, they are fun to say, just make sure you check the context in which you are saying them.

"Billy is a tool."

"Stop being a dumb ***"

"You are sucha  retard"

"Hey ***-o!"

"Dipshit, come here"

"You are acting like a douche bag"

Thank you, Aus.

I'm distressed to learn that several women have to share one part. Things must be very bad down there.

All the best,

MrP