Hello,

Could you please take a look at another my essay and give remarks
on it? Remarks on any one paragraph would be more than enought.
Thanks in advance.

Topic:

"People have different ways of escaping the stress and difficulties of modern life. Some read; some exercise; others work in their gardens. What do you think are the best ways of reducing stress?"

Essay:

Nowadays, people experience more pressure than ever from the external environment. That comes as a result of constantly increasing pace of life, huge amounts of information people have to process each day, increasing concurrence in all spheres of professional life and some others. The constant pressure people undergo incites the state of stress.

There is a great amount of stress sources. Which sources cause the stress depends much on psychological characteristics of a particular person. But there are several universal stress sources, which probably may affect everybody. One of these is financial problems, which may be caused by the low salary level and high prices. Another major stress source is dissatisfaction with one's job. The factors causing pressure here may be large amounts of work to be done resulting in a feverish work rate, uncomfortable working schedule, or lack of recognition and incentives. One more stress source is a large amount of information students should become acquainted with at academia. Due to continuous progress of civilization each academic year schools' and universities' syllabuses constantly dilate, so from year to year it becomes harder to study. These are only several sources of stress, but it is enough to discern several stress reasons and propose methods for escaping the stress.

The stress may be devided into physical and mental. If a person has experienced a physical stress, for instance, after working two weeks without weekends doing hard physical work, then a good way to assuage the state of physical lassitude is to relax and have a good sleep. A more severe type of stress is a mental stress. Here, the general solution is get oneself occupied with any non-burdensome entertaining mental activity, which may be an accompanying effect of any pleasant physical activity. These may be purely mental activities, such as reading, listening to music, or watching TV, as well as physical activities, such as going for a walk to a park, going in for sports, or working in the garden.

Finally, it may be concluded that there are various types of stress and for each of them appropriate methods of escape may be thought up. In essence, in order to escape a physical stress one may just take a rest, and to escape a mental stress one should get occupied with something extraneous and unrelated to the stress cause. But the best way to escape stress is to avoid it, which is, of course, far from being always possible.

--

Victor
Full Member340
Hi Victor,

Here are a few suggestions and edits for the first part.

Please ask about any that puzzle you.

Clive

Topic:

"People have different ways of escaping the stress and difficulties of modern life. Some read; some exercise; others work in their gardens. What do you think are the best ways of reducing stress?"

Essay:

Nowadays, people experience more pressure than ever. This comes as a result of the constantly increasing pace of life, the huge amounts of information people have to process each day, the increasing concurrence (<<< don't understand what you mean? the need to multitask?)in all spheres of professional life, and various other factors. This constant pressure people undergo incites a state of stress.

There are a great many sources of stress. Which oness cause the stress depends much on the psychological characteristics of a particular person. Howver, there are several universal stress sources, which usually affect everybody. One of these is financial problems, which are often caused by a low salary level combined with a high cost of living. Another major stress source is dissatisfaction with one's job.
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Hello Clive,

Thanks for remarks.

> That This comes as a result...

As I understand, "this" should be used if the antecedent the pronoun refers
to is "close by in time, space, or thought" (The Chicago Manual of Style). Does
the fact that the described situation is from nowadays makes us use "this"?

>> the increasing concurrence

> don't understand what you mean? the need to multitask?

Here I probably should have used the word "competitiveness" instead. That
is the state when there are too many high-skilled professionals and not so
many work places.

--

Victor
Hi,

> That This comes as a result...

As I understand, "this" should be used if the antecedent the pronoun refers
to is "close by in time, space, or thought" (The Chicago Manual of Style). Does
the fact that the described situation is from nowadays makes us use "this"?

No, it's simply because the reference is to the preceding sentence on the page. Orr you might say it's something that is close in terms of the writer's discourse, ie he just mentioned this a second ago.

.

You could just as easily be talking about a past event.

eg Napoleon died in 1821. This intererests me, as I am a historian.

Clive
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