Anyone can help me to correct my proposal?

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Anonymous  #159914  Fri, 18 Nov 05 08:57 AM

the following is my proposal "Exexute Summary" and "Indroduction" parts, anyone can help me to improve and correct the grammatical mistakes

thanks!

 

Executive Summary

“Guardian angel” is a new concept in babies’ commodity market, which aims to prevent baby from suffering suffocation during sleep. When baby is sleeping, he may be in danger as his nose may be blocked by blanket or he is facing down accidentally. Baby may also be sleep with adults    and pressed to dead. Both of these situations will cause suffocation and death. Our product has a large market size. There are a huge number of new born babies in Mainland China. Our product is relatively cheap, but providing similar and better functions as our competitors’ do. Most families in major cities could afford our product. The recent accident of an infant covered by blanket cause apnea and death. In Hong Kong had given rise to the infant’s safety while they are sleeping We believe that parents do not mind to spend one hundred dollars to buy a “Guardian angel” which can save their babies’ lives. We would start our business in Hong Kong first, and then extend our market to Mainland China. One of our direct competitors, ventilate pillow and blanket, sells their product at $500. The other one, Sleep wrap, sells their product at $1400. However, we sell our product at only $100, which is lower than our competitor. Our low manufacturing cost enables us to set a price which is much lower than our competitor. This makes our product more competitive.

Introduction

Many parents think put their infants sleeping in the cribs are safety, so after they put their infants in the cribs, they will go to do other things feel at ease. If who has this mind is wrong, because of many sudden infant deaths are caused by the careless parents. The majority cases are: (i) the mouth and nose were covered by blanket cause apnea to dead. (ii) slept with adults, was suspected to be pressed to dead. Unfortunately, these calamities have happened again and again. We want to stop these kinds of calamities happen, so we invent “Guardian angle”.

 

  
Whiteleaf  #163825  Mon, 28 Nov 05 02:51 PM
Guardian angel” is a new concept in babies’ commodity market, which aims to prevent baby from suffering suffocation during sleeping. When baby is sleeping, it might be in danger as its nose might be blocked by blanket or he is facing down accidentally. Parents  who sleep with baby may also press to dead. Both of these situations will cause suffocation and death. Our product has a large market size. There are a huge number of new born babies in Mainland China. Our product is relatively cheap, but providing similar and better functions as our competitors’ do. Most families in major cities could afford our product. The recent accident of an infant covered by blanket cause apnea and death. In(omit it "in") Hong Kong had given rise to the infant’s safety while they are sleeping We believe that parents do not mind to spend one hundred dollars to buy a “Guardian angel” which can save their babies’ lives. Firstly, we would start our business in Hong Kong, and then extend our market to Mainland China. One of the important competitors sells their product with ventilate pillow and blanket at $500. The other one, Sleep wrap, sells their product at $1400. However, we sell our product at only $100, which is lower than our competitor. Our low manufacturing cost enables us to set the lowprice which is much lower than our competitor. This makes our product more competitive.
  
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