Application letter

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Mister Nutty

#473821 Thu, 07 Feb 08 10:59 AM

Dear Yankee, thanks for your kind suggestions, too. I am very thankful to both of you for helping me. Thank you very much indeed.

Yankee wrote:
Hi Mr Nutty

Here is a suggestion for improvement. Rather than simply looking for grammar errors, I've done some rewording:

EDIT:
I see that Mister Micawber has also now replied. I like his suggestions too, and agree with his suggestion that you include your educational records.
____________________________________________________________________________________________

(My Address)

Apartment Name

Area Name

City Name

Date

(Recipient's address)
Dean of Admissions [I am aksed to directly address the principal, so can I write "the principal" here?]

University Name

Area Name

City Name

Dear (Name), [I know his name. Can I say "Dear Sir"?]

Having completed my pre-engineering coursework [Can I also say "H.S.C. in pre-engineering"?] , I would now like to pursue a degree in B.E. (telecom.) at your esteemed. university. From the time I was in elementary school, I have been interested in telecommunications, and more recently, I have narrowed my goal to becoming an engineer in telecommunications.

It has also long been my dream to study at your university, but financially I am only in a position to cover, at most, about half of the costs. Therefore, I would like to ask what forms of financial assistance are available. [In my country, there are usually no fees assisstance forms. They directly assist. So, can I say "Therefore, I would like to request financial assistance." or "Therefore, I would like to inquire into the possibility of obtaining an assisted place."?]

Thank you very much for your time and assistance.

Sincerely, [Sir, as I just mentioned I don't know the name of the principal, should I still write "sincerely", or do I now need to use "faithfully"?]

My Signature

My name

Mister Nutty

Joined on Sat, Jan 19 2008

New Member (19)

Dates, Grammar, Universities

Mister Micawber

#473864 Thu, 07 Feb 08 12:41 PM

Dean, College of ****(or) Chairman, Department of **** Sorry, but, Sir, I've been asked to directly address the principal. Will it be wrong to do so? -- Universities in my country do not have principals; principals are heads of primary and secondary schools.

Dear Dr [Dean's/Chairman's surname]: I don't know his name. Will it be wrong to say "Dear Sir"?-- Only if you cannot manage to learn his/her name.

I have completed my ~~intermediation~~ (diploma? certificate?) [thank you again, Sir. Yes, it's a certificate. Can I say "H.S.C."?] -- it would be better to spell it out in full: High School Certificate (?)

in pre-engineering, and would like to pursue a BE (Telecommunications) degree at ABC University. [Do I have to use the university name here. I am confused a bit. When I have already mentioned it above in the address section, do I again need to mention it here?]-- Yes, use it again. 'Highly estimable' is simply fawning.

I have always been interested in telecommunications, and more recently I have narrowed my goal to becoming a telecommunications engineer. Enclosed/attached are my educational records. [I've already provided them with all the necesarry documents and records.] -- Then mention that fact here.

Since my family is unable to bear the full cost of tuition, could you advise me of any financial assistance available? [They have already given me a concession of 50% with the grace of God, but they have still asked me to write an application letter for it as a red tape. I know for a fact that bluntly mentioning the desired concession is rude. Therefore, can I say "Since my family is unable to bear the full cost of tuition, could you please offer me some financial concession?"] -- 'Concession' is not a word I am familiar with in this context, but yes, use your sentence if it has been pre-arranged.

Sincerely yours, [As I have told above, I don't know his name. Do I still need to use "sincerely yours", or should I use "faithfully yours" now?]-- Yes, to be safe, use 'Faithfully yours', though few are aware of this fine point nowadays.