Assesment of 2 letters for the IELTS exam

Hi

I am self-preparing for the IELTS exam. Currently I am preparing for writing task 1 (writing a letter not less than 150 words).
I have nobody to assess my writings and I would appreciate very much if any moderator could check the following 2 letters (one is formal and the other to a friend). All advices are highly appreciated.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Formal letter:
Subject: "You recently went shopping at the local supermarket. When you got home and studied your bill you found that you have been charged for items you did not purchase.
Write a letter to the supermarket manager explaining what has happened. Tell the manager how you feel about the error and ask him to do something about it."

Answer:

EL HAYAA Supermarket
P.O. Box 2774
Abu Dhabi
United Arab Emirates
25 October 2004

Attention: Supermarket manager

Dear Sir,

Subject: Error in Bill No. 2554, dated 24 October 2004

I am writing in reference to an error I just noticed in my bill issued from your store. The bill number is 2554, dated 24 October 2004 and the cashier is Mr. Akbar.

I discovered that some additional items -which I did not purchase- have been comprised in the bill. Details of these items are as follows:
- Coffee Gloria Jeans, item # 2650, price : Dhs 60.00
- Frozen meat, item # 4599, price: Dhs 70.00
These items caused an excess in the bill amount by Dhs 130.00

I am astonished from such error, as I am a regular customer to your store, and it is the first time I encounter such incident.

I would be grateful if you could arrange a rectification for that error. I suggest 2 solutions. Either you refund me back the excessed amount, or deduct it from my next bill. Please notify me whichever solution suits you better, or of any alternatives.

Should you require any clarification, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Thank you, and anticipating your early response.

Yours faithfully,

Sherif Fam
Mobile: 050-8765432
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Informal letter:

Subject: "You have a friend who lives in a city abroad. You have decided that you would like to apply to do a course at one of the colleges in this city.
Write to your friend explaining what you would like to do. Tell him/her what type of work or studies you have been doing for tha past few years and ask for assistance in contacting an appropriate institution."

Answer:

Dear Margarete
25/11/04

It has been ages since our last writings. How are you, and your family? I wish everything is going well with you.

You must be wondering where I have been hidden for this long duration. Well, I joined an international company in Abu Dhabi, as Information Technology manager. The work is so demanding and stressing, specially in this fast-developing field. I have to be up to date with all the arising new technologies, which is not always an easy task. Anyway I felt I need a break, and discussed with the General Manager for an unpaid leave for 3 months, and guess what, he agreed.

I am thinking to get use of this leave to travel to Germany. It will be a good chance to meet you and your family.

In the mean time, I am planning to attend a course in the "artificial intelligence progragramming". As Germany pioneered in this field, I would be very grateful if you could assist me in selecting a good institute to attend a course there. It will be more convenient if it is specialised in tutoring this field of programming. I tried to search the internet, but unfortunately in vain. I can not tell if the institutes are of good reputation, have professional teachers, etc...

I am really looking forward for our previous time here in Abu Dhabi. You can show to me your home country, your school, the church, and all these things you talked about.

Thank you for your efforts and wishing you all the best,

Best regards,

Sherif
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To anyone who provides advices: many thanks.

Sherif

Thanks a lot. That was really helpful.

I know that I am weak at the use of conjunction words (such as pioneered something, not pioneered in something).

I will practice, and wish I am not annoying you if I keep in sending such examples for corrections. This really helps me a lot.

Thanks again

Sherif

dear sir ,

i need very much for help in repearing to my general ielts exam ,please help me to improve my writing .please can any one correct my writing  ?any sits on internet to free practis

                                                                         thanks

                                                                       iman 

hi,
if u r still looking for help, please let me know.