Hi,

I was just wondering if someone could please look over my essay and perhaps make any suggestions.

Thank you

Autobiographical Essay – “Marco Polo”

Embedded in a web of intense heat stretching itself over my soft flesh, the warm thermal energy from the glowing sun seeping in through my bronzed skin, lapping, creating incinerating sensations in the blood flowing through my veins, I rest serenely atop the grassy, scalene-shaped plot of lush yard. Every muscle from the majestic crown of my head to the soles of my slender feet is paralyzed with kindle warmth and radiation. Hearing familiar jovial voices in the near distance and unsettling cries of crows overhead, I suddenly awaken, regaining conscience from a short-lived yet tranquil slumber beneath gently swaying fringed evergreen pine trees.

Visits from aggravating cousins had been events that I unquestionably loathed. Being raised in a culture that puts guests next to God, I was required to fully cater to the needs of my cousins, whether that meant allowing personal belongings to be shared or enthusiastically agreeing to and fulfilling their every wish. From past experience, I knew that refusing to meet such standards of due ‘courtesy’ meant lengthy lectures from parents regarding my ill-mannered and uninviting behavior. As an incentive to avoid such consequences, I had decided to endure the disorderly events that transpired upon visits from cousins. After all, one must tolerate assorted struggles in order to subsist in this unpredictable world.

“Come on! Let’s play!” eagerly squeals my babyish cousin Jesse, as she plops her vivacious self beside me on a patch of turf. As she forcefully tugs at my loose-fitting sweatshirt, she wearily utters, “Please get up and play.” Nearly an hour prior, carelessly marking anything and everything of her visual liking with a thick black permanent marker, she had gone through each and every one of my important works of fiction, nonfiction, and literature. Without a doubt, her appalling behavior had stirred a flame of extreme loathing and distrust within me. However, as I looked into her soft sparkling brown eyes that reflected a child’s innocence, my heart softened and I steadily shifted myself into a sitting position. “What do you want to do, Jess?,” I merrily inquired. In return, Jesse gleefully responded, “Let’s play a game!” After a number of varied suggestions of possible games, we settled on “Marco Polo.” Taken the fact that I had played this lively game as a wee one myself, I vaguely recalled the game’s set of rules. Nevertheless, Jesse volunteered to locate her elder sister Simi from within the house’s quarters.

Sitting on a lawn chair beneath the dim shade of the towering trees, I awaited the arrival of my beloved cousins. Dashing from the gate to the distinct location where I rested, Jesse cheerfully waved a white cloth in the air. Slowly but surely, a shadowy figure followed Jesse’s trail. Without a doubt, it was my dear cousin Simi, who had recently sought it her life’s purpose to be mature and rid of all childlike actions. In short, she had taken up being a preppy pre-teen ‘wannabe teenager.’ Glancing over my tomboy outfit with disapproval, she approached me. “Look, I really don’t have much time for these children’s games. Oprah is going to be on in fifteen minutes,” she flatly declared. Watching her in awe, I automatically responded, “That’s fine. No problem, Simi.” “No, that’s okay,” she assuredly affirmed. “Besides, it’ll keep Jesse occupied for some time,” she gently uttered.

Within minutes, Simi had outlined the rules and objective of “Marco Polo.” Basically, the player who is “It” must attempt to tag the other players with her eyes closed. The “It” player can only sense the locations of the other players by calling out “Marco!,” at which point all the other players are required to yell “Polo!”. By judging where the sounds are coming from, the player who is “it” is able to overcome her self-imposed blindness and hopefully tag another player, who then becomes it. After a bit of logical thought, I had discovered that the game would require more than two players, for it would be nearly impossible to tag a sole person when blind-folded. While broadcasting this information to my cousins, I assertively volunteered my self and the gingerly blind folded myself. Simi had agreed to be a part of the game, and so she had commenced the game by twirling me fourteen times, which related to my age.

Subsequent to the powerful twirling, I had been set free to wander the open landscape ever-so ravenous for sought after prey. Stabilizing my uncertain stumbling form, I call out “Marco!,” to which two squealing voices replied “Polo!.” Faltering towards the familiar voices nearby, I searched the radius around me with my stretched arms. Locating nothing but thin air at hand, I once again called out “Marco!,” and once again received two gleeful young girls responding “Polo!.” One voice seemed particularly in close proximity, to which I immediately sought after. The voice had come from someone directly ahead of me. I marched myself blindly straight ahead with eager arms ready to tag the player at the forefront. Little did I know of my fate that lurked just around the corner. The time had been ripe for action

Knowing nothing and seeing nothing, I had charged myself ahead into the open unidentified area. With a hollow thud, I realized a sharp throbbing pain that rose and fell within my cheek, which had swallowed a sharp edge. Something in the game had clearly malfunctioned, for I had been standing next to a wooden post that supported the deck overhead. Picking my fallen glasses from the earthy soil, I looked for my cousins. They stood frozen in a transfixed state with their mouths open in awe. Rushing for parental aid and guidance, Jesse entered the house. Simi drew closer to me and asked, “Are you okay?” Using a matter-of factly tone, I said I was fine regardless of the fact that I felt the injury swelling up. From left to right, family members tended to my injuries. The tables had tuned and all of a sudden, my cousins and family had started to cater to my needs. In a way, the entire outcome had proved worthwhile.