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Latest post Thu, Oct 5 2006 12:27 PM by Anonymous. 3 replies.
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DFelton  +  268206 Sun, 17 Sep 06 05:48 AM
Can someone check my narrative essay for grammatical errors?

Epiphany in Line

   While my family and I were driving to our new home in Tennessee, something happened to me that changed the way I looked at my life. The U-haul we were driving was really small. There were not enough seats for all of us, so I had to curl up in a small space under the dashboard. There was not very much room to move, and all I could see were legs. I felt like a little Chinese boy who was being shipped overseas in a wooden crate. I was really nervous because I did not know anyone there and I didn’t know if I would make new friends or I would spend the rest of my life crying in the fetal position waiting for my long anticipated death. Another reason I was also afraid to go to Tennessee was because I had seen the movie, Deliverance, a week before. All I could hear were the cars speeding past us and the faint sound of a radio. At one point a Brittney Spears song came on and I contemplated jabbing out my eardrums so I would not have to listen to one more note of it. My family really started to annoy me too. I love them, but being with them for that long made me realize why there is a waiting period to buy a gun. It is the only reason I am not in jail right now.

   Luckily, we stopped off at a Little Debbie’s Outlet to stretch out our legs. When I came out of the U-haul, I must have looked like a newly born deer learning to walk. One of the first things I noticed when I went into the outlet was a Little Debbie’s Monopoly game. I laughed to myself because it was the most American game I had ever seen in my life. I was happy somebody finally found a way to combine capitalism and morbid obesity. I thought the tagline to the game should have been “roll yourself into a diabetic coma”. I continued shopping and found a snack I wanted. While I was in the line paying for it, I heard a woman giving weight loss advice. I thought this was really ironic because she had to weigh at least four hundred pounds, and she had a basket overflowing with nutty bars, fudge brownies, and iced honey buns. She was wearing a dress with thick, black and white, vertical stripes to make herself look skinny, but it was like a whale wearing a corset. I looked at the people around me, but nobody seemed to notice. It was like there was an elephant in the room, but I was the only one who could see it.

   Even though I had been having a bad day, when I walked out of the outlet I was in a really good mood. All the things I had been worrying about seemed to disappear. This experience taught me to notice the small things in life that made me laugh. It gave me a more positive attitude and made me not take things as seriously. I think everyone has learned to do this in one way or another. When you focus on the good things, the bad things do not seem to hurt as bad. Once you have found those things that makes you happy, nothing can happen to you that you can not deal with. One day, I hope everyone finds their own fat lady in a dress.

Thank You!!!

Joined on Sat, Sep 16 2006
New Member 22
DFelton, 3 yr 67 days ago
I will love you forever if you comment on my post.
DFelton, 3 yr 67 days ago

Sorry for double posting. I read about it after I did it.

Anonymous, 3 yr 49 days ago

CAN SOMEONE PROOFREAD MY ESSAY? ITS SUPPOSE TO COMPARE AND CONTRAST. DUE IN THREE HOURS.....

Times of Tragedy

 

           

            It is made very clear in the memoirs of the attack on September 11, by Tim Townsend, and the bombing of Hiroshima, by Michihiko Hachiya, that when tragedy strikes one will react with their initial instinct. Tragedy usually comes without any warning leaving each individual to fend for them selves. In this case, Michihiko was in the middle of the bomb when it stuck, whereas Tim watched the events to come begin to unfold from a distance.  The stories also show that a person’s background has plenty to due with how one will respond to a catastrophe. Due to these men’s different backgrounds Tim reacted with selfishness and Michihiko reacted more rationally. More importantly, any tragedy has its own outcome according to ones personal account. In this case Tim he was left feeling lucky and Michihiko was still confused about the events that had taken place. These stories contrast in many ways.

            One major way these stories contrast is that when the bomb of Hiroshima hit, Michihiko was in the middle of what you might call “ground zero” with no time to escape. When he decided to head to the hospital, despite his nakedness and terrible injury, he began thinking and responding as a doctor typically would. He tried to rationally think about his staff and started to gather evidence in his head about the environment around him. (pg 36) “Our home was gone; we were wounded and needed treatment; and after all, it was my duty to be with my staff.” Tim differs in that when the towers began to fall he was able to witness from a distance with time to get away uninjured. (pg 51) “The first thing I saw in the parking lot across Liberty Street was luggage. Burnt Luggage.” Acting more emotional then rationally, he quickly followed a crowd of people running away from the billowing cloud of smoke and rubble that crept steadily behind them. This shows that the emotions and motives of the men were quite different.

            The emotional state and the motives after the attacks were different also because of their backgrounds. Michihiko was a doctor, thus, his day to day routine consisted of caring for people and working together for the cause of the patient which prompted him to think medically and logically in times of chaos. Despite his condition, just a few days after the bomb he was highly intrigued by the symptoms of his patients and what could have caused them. (pg.37) “Regardless of the type of injury, nearly everybody had the same symptoms. All had poor appetite, the majority had nausea and gaseous indigestion, and over half had vomiting.” He also mentioned that, (pg 38) “The only other possible cause for the weird symptoms observed was a sudden change in atmospheric pressure.” Tim on the other hand, was a financial consultant where the business is cut throat. While franticly running to safety, Tim shamefully left people behind and tried to hide where ever he could, by himself. At one point he says, (pg. 53) “September 11th, 2001, at 9:45 a.m. was not my finest moment.”  It seems that Michihiko was looking to better others and Tim was looking to better himself.

            The outcome for both men reflected their feelings and actions during the events. Mich was still near death trying to analyze the symptoms. He continued to question the patients and use his education and experience to come to a conclusion of what kind of weapon was used. ( pg38) “ It was as though I walked through a gloomy, silent motion picture. Others whom I questioned had had the same experience. With all his resources lost in the explosion, one thing was clear to him, “… a new weapon had been used.” Tim was not burdened with such confusion since he saw what happened in front of him. He made it home to his wife without a scratch on him. Though he witnessed a tragedy that will go down in history, he felt (pg.54) “… freakishly fine.” He made it very clear that he was not nearly as affected as others. He stated, (pg54) “Maybe it’s because I lack the imagination, or the will, to realize the scope of what I’d seen.” Or maybe it’s because he wasn’t blown to pieces.

            In conclusion, the men made it out alive because they followed their initial instincts. Catastrophes like the two mentioned above can be similar but certainly with their own distinct characteristics. Their backgrounds clearly made a difference in there actions and how they dealt with the tragedies afterwards.

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