Pawcio,
We don't provide proofreading services here. Please
Post:46522.
MountainHiker
Some people think adulthood is determined by age by age, physical maturity or emotional qualities. The values that make a person an adult are wisdom, attitude, and responsibility. Being mature person does not just happened over night. [You don't bridge between the first and second sentences. What's the purpose of the first sentence?]
Wisdom is the first quality that a mature person has. It is the knowledge that we encompass from past experience and how we learn from those experiences. Both bad and good. We learn from everyday life. We learned from past mistake so we will not make them again. An adult person also does not use his wisdom to just have it for himself. They help other in needs and care. [This paragraph is very weak.]
The most important quality for a mature person is wisdom. Wisdom is knowlege that we have learned from past experiences and wisdom is the ability to use that knowledge to make better decisions in the future. Over the course of a lifetime, each of us will have many different experiences, some joyous and some not so joyous, and from those experiences we will gain invaluable experience that we can and should pass on to others. [something like that??]
The second quality of an adult person is the attitude. Attitude is very important in adult life. [two sentences say the same thing?] A mature person has to know how to act in some of the situation.[prior sentence needs work] If the person does not understand something, an adult person should help and explain what to do, not ignore that person without answering to him.[you are making a moral judgement] They must stay calm when they get nervous and just want to shout. [They must stay calm when they get nervous. But if they are nervous, how can they be calm? I think you mean they must be calm when presented with challenging or threatening situations?]
Responsibility is the third most important characteristic in adult life. As an adult person we [we does not agree in number with "adult person"] need to remember that when we say something we are going to do, we will and not just forgot or ignore it.[how does this differ from your attitude paragraph above?] In addition they need to know how to spend their money.[spending is the easy part, investing and saving are the more difficult?] If they do not, they will get in the debt or even in the trouble in sometime and loose everything.
It is not easy to be an adult person.[when you reach 18 or 21, you're an adult whether you like it or not. Maturity is a different question] There are many things that a mature person must have. Wisdom, attitude, responsibility are just
some of the qualit
ies that a mature person should [or must?] have.
General comments:
Review my comments for your first essay. Rewrite your essay so that you eliminate or reduce the content and gramatical errors. Then repost your essay.
Also, try to take what you have learned from this excercise and apply it to your second essay. Your second essay is better in that the content is better aligned. However, your essay is still weak. It doesn't say very much and what it does say is very obvious.
Good student.
Come to school, don't skip classes, be quiet, don't disrupt the class, do your homework on time, and study hard for your tests.
The end.
Doesn't tell me much, does it?
I would think something more is expected of you.
MountainHiker