career or motherhood?

   Share on Facebook  
Anonymous  #277820  Sun, 08 Oct 06 02:27 PM

Hey guys;-)


As a matter of fact, my english has to improve;-)

I'm not quite sure if this is the right board for my post! If not I'm really sorry!!!
It would be REALLY NICE of you if u could check my text for: mistakes in grammar, expression and sense!

If u know better ways of expressions (more educated), I would be really glad if u could tell me!

Thank you very much!

 

As recent researches show, there are significant challenges in coping both: a successful career and a satisfying motherhood. Accordingly, a woman has to decide which situation is the more profitable for her.

 

There are in fact numerous reasons which argue in favour of the choice of establishing a family.

High earning women dispose of less time which can be invested into marriage or domestic work. Consequently contentions develop concerning the question who is responsible for which tasks within the household.

Through the woman realising mother duties, a clearer division of roles is the case, followed by less discussion and a harmonic atmosphere.

Here the argument of happiness has to be emphasized.

Scientists claim that people who care about others, for example children, are on average more prosperous than those who are firstly preoccupied with themselves.

 

As far as I am concerned, I take the view that this ascertainment cannot be considered as a dogmatic formula of happiness.

A woman in care of children (can u say so? "in care of"? Do you maybe know a better way of expressing this?) has to worry about absent education and dissipating talent. In this case, the process of self-fulfilment which bases on egoism and a greater sense of autonomy cannot be followed.

Holding the view that the lack of recognition, intensified by the status of motherhood as an unpaid work being despised and downgraded, I believe that this is a relevant argument opposing the ideal of achieving happiness through selflessness.

In addition, having overcome the traditional gender role allocation, today’s women can expect men to take on a proportion of domestic responsibility and contributing as well to a harmonic partnership.

Unquestionably, the mother hopes of eventually thankful children prizing her affectionately education. Whereas she might be waiting in vain and becoming disappointed respectively frustrated, the career aspiring woman is confronted with her success immediately in view of her abstract of account and the social acknowledgment.

Taking these arguments into account, focusing the job ladder seems to be more lucrative in terms of happiness, esteem and satisfaction.

This leads me to the conclusion that….

  
nona the brit  #278295  Mon, 09 Oct 06 04:58 PM

Hi,

Your paragraphs are a bit short. So many one sentence paragraphs stop the essay flowing properly. Use paragraphs to organise your writing into sections of related thoughts and information. Suggested structure:

Para 1 - introduce the topic

Paras 2/3 - arguments for family

Paras 3/4 - arguments for career

Para 5 - Your conclusion

  
Top 10 Contributor
Joined on Wed, Sep 22 2004
England
Veteran Member (11,355)
ModeratorProficient Speaker
The name says it all.
AddThis Feed Button RSS Feed: ESL Linguistics Discussion Forum
© 2008 MediaCET Ltd.
Terms and Conditions & Terms of Service