Well well well.. Congratulations for highlighting a point that (pretty much) all native english speakers couldn't give a shite about.
Whilst it is quite obvious that your scholarly argument has come from an in-depth analysis of this here "English" language, I would contend that you have missed the point entirely. So here it is, plain and simple, and posed as a rhetoric to for your consideration...
What is the most important requirement of any "Language"?
The answer is quite simple, and in considering that even Monkeys have developed their own language, I'm sure you (far superior to such animals) have already concluded that:
The point is "communication and understanding"
Aren't such expressions as, "Damn boy, thats whaked", or "you da man!", or "I wanna be like Mike", not a way of effectively communicating an idea. Of course they are. So when you all continue this "pissy" analysis of modern vernacular (which i know you will) please consider this;
Language evolves, and so should you.