Please help me to check & correct my language. Thanks

   Share on Facebook  
Kyusuke_FD3S  #381562  Tue, 19 Jun 07 04:48 PM

As the Engineering Club of ABC College, we would like to extend our warmest welcome to the new engineering students from the June 2007 intake by organizing a Welcoming Party. The event is meant to give the students as well as the lecturers a better opportunity to get to know the new students better and vice versa. The event also aims to create an informal atmosphere in which the students will feel comfortable and at ease outside of the classroom to socialize with everyone.

 

2. The party will be on the Thursday 28th of June from 5p.m. onwards and it will be held in the College Hall. There will be a session of icebreaking activities from 5p.m. to 6p.m. After which we will have dinner served by a caterer.

 

3. We have decided to get catering services from AAA Restaurant. We estimate that there will be around 40 old students and 7 new students. Including lecturers, it would make approximately 60 people. The cost, including transportation of the food, is quoted to be around RM940 for 60 persons.

 

4. Of course, we will be charging the current students and lecturers, but the new students will be invited to come for free. Therefore we would like to ask the college for a sponsorship about RM400. If our request is granted, we would only have to charge the students a reasonable RM10 to RM13.

 

We urge the college to consider our request, for the college’s assistance would be greatly appreciated. We hope that together we can make this event a great success! Lastly we would also like to invite you to join us at our welcoming party. Thank You.

  
Not Ranked
Joined on Mon, Mar 5 2007
New Member (07)
Feebs11  #381769  Wed, 20 Jun 07 01:39 AM
 Kyusuke_FD3S wrote:

As the Engineering Club of ABC College, we would like to extend our warmest welcome to the new engineering students from the June 2007 intake by organizing a Welcoming Party. The event is meant to give the students as well as the lecturers a better  [intended to allow both lecturers and students an ] opportunity to get to know the new students better and vice versa. The event also aims to create an informal atmosphere in which the students will feel comfortable and at ease outside of the classroom to socialize with everyone.

 

2. The party will be on the Thursday 28th of June from 5p.m. onwards and it will be held in the College Hall. There will be a session of icebreaking activities from 5p.m. to 6p.m., after which we will have dinner served by a caterer.

 

3. We have decided to get catering services from AAA Restaurant. We estimate that there will be around 40 old students and 7 new students. Including lecturers, it would make approximately 60 people. The cost, including transportation of the food, is quoted to be around RM940 for 60 persons.

 

4. Of course, we will be charging the current students and lecturers, but the new students will be invited to come for free.[our guests, and will not be charged for their attendance] Therefore we would like to ask the college for a sponsorship about RM400. If our this request is granted, we would only have to charge the students a reasonable RM10 to RM13.

 

We urge the college to consider our request, for the college’s assistance would be greatly appreciated. We hope that together we can make this event a great success! Lastly we would also like to invite you to join us at our welcoming party.[This seems to say yuou are inviting the whole college - I think you need to rethink it] Thank You.

  
Top 25 Contributor
Joined on Thu, Nov 23 2006
UK
Senior Member (4,928)
ModeratorProficient Speaker
AddThis Feed Button RSS Feed: ESL Essay, Writing World
© 2008 MediaCET Ltd.
Terms and Conditions & Terms of Service