Please help me to check my essay! grammar,organization,fluency

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Jeremychen  #282177  Tue, 17 Oct 06 03:25 PM

                                                        Social Study Essay

What is the feeling to dodge aircrafts? Can you imagine it? This is how our grandparents suffered. Taiwan was once conquered by Japan but it is not the end of Taiwan. Taiwan finally fought back at 1895 and the war ends and Taiwan gained independence at 1950. Taiwan people forced the Japanese government to sign a contract. They have similar laws and institution in comparison to modern day Taiwan (Government), Taiwan has houses shared with their own shop (Food, Clothing, and Shelter), and I will also talk about Taiwan’s family life and Arts and Recreation.

The Governmental and political regime were really strict and during that time, Taiwan was recently conquered by the Japanese. My grandmother told me a story when she was little like the same age as me, my grandmother had friends that are Japanese, when my grandmother had an argue over something with her friends, they always blame its my grandmother but actually it’s her friends that did the mistakes, but her friends won’t admit are their mistakes, because the of the government the Japanese people got power over Taiwan, but my grandmother is a type of person that won’t give up in some situation, She won’t sit there and act like its my fault, she just fought with the her friends. Some people are rich but it doesn’t mean they can buy more item then others, because the World War II just ended so there were not a lot of things to buy, every one is just the same, buying the basic human needs.

After my parents have born, Taiwan has their own government. The first president in Taiwan is Chiang Kai-shek, Taiwan have an autocratic government. The difference between my parents and my grandparents is just that they have a self governed institution at my mother’s period. At my grandparent’s period Taiwan’s government was lead by Japan. Their similarities were they both have a government to lead the people.

In nowadays, Taiwan is political unstable because of our controversial president. Recent scandals and poor financing left Taiwan in a mad shape. Chen-Shui-Bian he was the first president that got elected democratically. Chen-Shui-Bian’s department has gradually losing its legitimacy due to these causes. Now Taiwan people are yelling him to exit from the stage, and never come back to the politics field. Today’s political organization is really similar to the ones in my parent’s and grandparents time period in many ways, they both have a leader to control the government, and also there are political parties or groups to support the government.

My grandparents lived just when World War II have ended, the economy was disastrous; there were no skyscrapers, apartments only houses. Rich people lived in large Japanese style houses, but poor people lived in cramped streets shared with a small shop to run business. During that time there were no keys and they needed to use wood or metal to lock their doors. So their situation was no that good. My grandparents said “pure white noodles with an egg, and soy sauce as seasoning” is considerably good for them, because World War II just ended and food was not their primary concern. The people usually wear stripe clothes, with long pants but these are for rich people, for poor they wear bags to cut flour but cut holes to let their hand and leg stretch out; the clothing for rich is now normal to us, but the flour bag is already now out of date.

        In my mothers period houses were just like our present house, but the houses lack creativity and class. For example, they didn’t have switches on the walls, and if you wanted to light a light bulb, there’s a string beside it that you need to pull before it turns on. Most of the rich people lived on the mountains with their well designed mansions. Low-class citizen still lived in cramped houses with their private shops, but the people use these shops as their secondary business. The style of wearing was suit, or people wear normally. My mother’s favorite food is “Chinese tea boiled egg.” She claims that this is the best gift to give out to. More people will try to eat foods from U.S, for example steaks. But most people still prefer to eat countries food.

        My house is average, it is not very big but it is rather cozy. Nowadays some people do not use keys anymore as new technology has allowed finger prints, the pupil of the eye, or voice detection to be the key to unlock your door. Elevators are provided in apartments that is why stairs become obsolete. My grandfather’s house is very different from the present one. Keys were really expensive and not every one could afford it. My parents lived in time where keys were cheap and most of the people use it. Now days most of the people could accept the foreign food, for example pasta, French toast, Japanese beef rice and more and more types of foods are coming in to China. As you can see in our school, most teenage wears baggy pants and big t-shirts that are over your elbow. This is really different from both of my parents and grandparents.

Their life was dreadful, they did not have a lot of things to do, and there were not a lot of toys to play during that time. All they needed to do was to dodge the aircrafts attacks. It is even really hard to get educated during that time of period, because even though some family have a lot of money but some schools were bombed so they need to change schools pretty often. My grandmother admires Don Quixote and Florence Nightingale because she likes her because their vitality.

Both different genders play different things. My mother usually plays dolls, marbles, and sometimes she even creates her own toy. My father likes to play at the outdoors For example, he likes to go swimming in rivers and climbing on trees, or play arcade (Pac-man) at one of the shops at the streets. There were already a big difference between my parents and my grandparents, in my grandmother’s time they don’t even have toys and it’s hard to get educated.

I spend my leisure time by playing video games, computer, watch T.V or play chess, and a lot more as generations passed the technology will be more and better. I admire Wang li-hom (Chinese singer) because of his skills to sing, play violin and piano. There a big difference between me and my grandmother, they need to dodge attack by the aircrafts, and they have no toys to play.

The most differences are technology for example, in my grandparent’s period they don’t have televisions, washing machine, or refrigerators and the laws that has been changed, from a conquered country, to an autocratic then to a democratic government. From this project, I learned many things, I learned how was my grandparents time and my parents time different from me, also which person do they admire during their period. I believe there will be more changes from now to the other generation after.

  
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nona the brit  #282218  Tue, 17 Oct 06 04:29 PM

It's a bit hard to work out whether you are talking about the current day or the past sometimes, as you often use the present tense of verbs when you should use the past. Go through and check your verb tenses thoroughly.

It's quite hard to follow the timescale of what happened when. I get the impression from your essay that

Taiwan was historically ruled by Japan.

There was a war between Taiwan and Japan that started in 1895 and ended in 1950 with Taiwan winning independence. (Really? A single war 55 years long?)

Then at some point (you don't say when exactly, just 'recently') Japan took over again. But since your parents were born Taiwan has been independent. These two facts seem to contradict each other? I can't work out whether you are saying that Taiwan is currently ruled by Japan or is independent? Or are you saying that Taiwan is now part of China (comment on food coming into China these days).

  
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