Please check my letter for any kinda error(logical, technical or gramatical etc..)..Thanks

 Subject: Visa Validity Issue  

I intended to stay 4 weeks in Canada got visa for 4 weeks as well. I face dates mix-up and ignoring of my intended date of travel. Dates detail is: 

Valid from 22/03/08 until 21/04/08
Issued on 29/03/08
And I’m informed to collect passport on 03/04/08. 

The issue is

 -         visa validity that is about 4 weeks, starts 12 days before I’m informed to collect passport.
-         visa issued one week after starting of its validity.
-         ignoring the intended date of travel (i.e. 2nd week of May 2k8) mentioned in the letter submitted along passport after winning the appeal.

I'm unable to travel because visa validity will be over before my intended date of travel and also less days in hand. Please reissue visa accordingly
my intended date of travel. The same letter of intended date of travel is attached. 

Thanks & oblige

Sincerely

Hey Boss!

Thanks alot for your efforts. I appreciate!  

Is not some thing  like that we are telling a story so present tense is used.
I am advised to collect passport on.. (I)

I was advised to collect passport on (I don't know if it is an official style(?))

REgards,

Mansour Awan

Alright,

Thanks