Please Check my little essay, only one paragraph

Hi delange,

Your little essay needs a fair amount of work.

Do you recognize it? You’re too drunk to talk to anybody cause alcohol has paralysed your brain, in an instant. our girlfriend appears on the scene. hat do you do? [In such a case, most of the time, your girlfriend becomes angry again, so you have to sleep on the couch next too the dog for the rest of the week...doesn't answer the question, what do you do?] A mn’s greatest wish is too get immediately rid of this painful situation, but yeah[?], as you know, this is pretty utopistic [utopian], I mean[?], it WAS pretty utopistic[utopian], [be]cause now all problems are getting solved, by only one product, our newest innovation, namely SOBER-IN-NO-TIME. Our product is now for sale in 75 countries and we have recently gained the “innovation-award” from the BBC, the award for the best new product on the market.

You need to clean it up. Get rid of all "I mean" "but yeah" etc. It sounds rather immaturish. So if this a make believe essay, you need to kick it up a few notches.

MountainHiker

<BLOCKQUOTE><table width="85%"><tr><td class="txt4"><img src="/Themes/default/images/icon-quote.gif">&nbsp;<strong>Delange wrote:</strong></td></tr><tr><td class="quoteTable"><table width="100%"><tr><td width="100%" valign="top" class="txt4">Hi everybody, I had to make an essay about a new fiction product, alcoholpills, here is a part of the essay where I'm not very sure about:
<br />
<br />"Do you recognize it? You’re too drunk to talk to anybody cause alcohol has paralysed your brain, in an instant, your girlfriend appears on the scene, what do you do? In such a case, most of the time, your girlfriend becomes angry again, so you have to sleep on the couch next too the dog for the rest of the week. A men’s greatest wish is too get immediately rid of this painful situation, but yeah, as you know, this is pretty utopistic, I mean, it WAS pretty utopistic, cause now all problems are getting solved, by only one product, our newest innovation, namely SOBER-IN-NO-TIME. Our product is now for sale in 75 countries and we have recently gained the “innovation-award” from the BBC, the award for the best new product on the market."
<br />
<br />Maybe someone can get a look at it? Would be really great!
<br />
<br />Greetz Steven</td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>