What is the correct form of commercial letter?

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marukko  #575910  Mon, 13 Oct 08 12:34 PM
Hello, I'm a new  here that's because I need someone can help me and to correct my english, I will be appreciated of yours helps ^.^ 

 

We notify honestly in our products which do not contain any melamine.

We have milk powder from New Zealand, we are willing to bring the certificate of origin (see attachment) and to assure for the safe consumption of our products.

(It's that correct?)

  
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Mister Micawber  #575919  Mon, 13 Oct 08 12:47 PM
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We guarantee that our products do not contain any melamine. We supply milk powder from New Zealand, and we are happy to present the certificate of origin (see attachment) and to assure that all our products are safe for consumption.
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marukko  #575923  Mon, 13 Oct 08 01:01 PM
wow~~ thank you very much~ that's a real quickly reply! (;)) Wink
  
Goodman  #575987  Mon, 13 Oct 08 05:22 PM
 Hi marukko,

This is statement of declaration in essence.  My approach is this. The quality of the product is the center of attention, although the company is involved.

 

So I would suggest to revised it this way.

 

Our milk powder comes from New Zealand which is guaranteed to contain no melamine / to be melamine free.  Each shipment is accompanied with a certificate of origin and we quarantee its quality and safety.

  
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marukko  #576099  Tue, 14 Oct 08 03:31 AM
yeah~ you're right, that's better than the first statement~ thankss~(Y) Yes
  
Mister Micawber  #576113  Tue, 14 Oct 08 04:31 AM
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No it's not. Goodman's first sentence is a mess.  New Zealand is not accused of containing melamine-- it is the milk powder that is suspect.  If you wish to use that form, then try this:

Our milk powder comes from New Zealand and is guaranteed to contain no melamine / to be melamine free.  Each shipment includes a certificate of origin, and we guarantee its quality and safety.

  
Goodman  #576144  Tue, 14 Oct 08 06:49 AM
No it's not. Goodman's first sentence is a mess 

Well, Technically MM may be partially right. To me, it's just a matter of how we choose to express a point. Please allow me to draw a paralell sentence to prove my point.
If someone says "I bought a 50" LCD TV  yesterday from Bestbuy which was scheduled to be delivered today but I haven't heard from the driver yet". By your definition, does that mean this sentence is also a mess?



 "Our milk powder comes from New Zealand WHICH is guaranteed to contain no melamine .. I think most people with common sense will not be confused with it. [Which] refers to the milk power and the LCD TV, not New Zealand and Bestbuy.
  
khoff  #576163  Tue, 14 Oct 08 07:27 AM

I agree with Mr. M.

Goodman
If someone says "I bought a 50" LCD TV  yesterday from Bestbuy which was scheduled to be delivered today but I haven't heard from the driver yet". By your definition, does that mean this sentence is also a mess?

Yes, in my opinion, but it's a slightly different kind of mess.  In this sentence, in the way that you intend it, "from Bestbuy" could be removed and you would still have a complete sentence.  If you intend the basic  sentence to be "I bought a TV yesterday which was scheduled to be delivered today," then I think "from Bestbuy" should be put in parentheses or between commas.  Otherwise the "which..." should actually modify Bestbuy, as in "I bought a TV yesterday from Bestbuy which has the lowest prices."

Goodman
 "Our milk powder comes from New Zealand WHICH is guaranteed to contain no melamine ..

The structure of this sentence is different.  (You can't remove "from New Zealand" and still have a complete sentence.)  I'm afraid I can't label all the parts of speech and quote the appropriate grammar rule for you, but certainly if I read a sentence which began "Our milk powder comes from New Zealand which..." I would expect the following information to apply to New Zealand, not to the milk poweder.  "Our milk powder comes from New Zealand which is somewhere near Australia."

I'm not saying that no one would come up with a sentence like yours, or that it's incomprehensible.  It would not be uncommon to hear or read a sentence like that from native speakers, but it would still be wrong.  I'm not sure what the technical term is for what's wrong with it -- maybe "misplaced modifier."

  
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marukko  #576241  Tue, 14 Oct 08 02:23 PM
Finally I sent the email with  the first statement which modified by Mr. Goodman.

Well, I am not good to see what is the different in each statement, but I'm happy I can learn more in this place, lol it's a nice place for people who want to learn more~~ THANK A LOTS (K) Kiss  ~~~
  
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