Please correct my motivation letter!

Hello!

I need this letter of motivation for the university I want to go to. These following points needed to be in it according to the university:

• Why I want to go to that university
• Which fields of study I'm most interested in and why
• Which work experience I have and what kind of social activities I've done
• Which are my interests regard(less) my current education
• Circumstances which might had influences my results

My English (especially my grammar) sucks and I really hope you could help me. I'm not sure about the parts I underlined and the parts which are italic I might want to scrap because it's not very 'focused'. I have no clue if it is bad or good, it can be 1 A4 paper long and it is right now. Are there things I've  left or have overdone? Should I skip some parts like that part about my grandmother? Are there bad sentences? This university is really important to me so this letter has to be the best ever!

Dear Mr./Mrs. ***

I am applying for entrance in Fall 2007 for the University College Utrecht. I was born in a small village in North Holland just in the polder. I’m applying to UCU because I believe that today many studies are concentrating to learn you as much as possible about one thing, but I think that you can not accurately use that knowledge if you can not see the greater perspective which surrounds it. Taking this in consideration with the globalisation nowadays the choice for UCU wasn’t hard to make. In an international environment a wide range of subjects is given while also your knowledge depths. I’m very ambitious and curious and I always try to get the best out of me, I think UCU is the best way for me to achieve all the goals I have. Because the courses are intensive and given to small groups I think I could achieve most of it.

Since I was a little girl I always loved to research things, when I heard something I always wanted to know why and how that happened. That curiosity I still have. When I heard from my grandmother that her favourite grandmother was killed in the WOII in the concentration camps because she helped Jews I just had to find out what happened to her, since no one knew that till that time. I started searching and calling to the NIOD and one day I found out. My grandmother was so happy to know what happened exactly and in which camps she had been, she finally could give it a place. A very far niece from me wrote a book about it and I’m still very proud of this far relative. For this reasons I would love to have a career as a researcher (especially in the field of history, because there are still so many secrets to be discovered, and understanding history means more understanding for the world we live in today). On the other hand I never could stand injustice. I danced in The Russian State Circus for a while and hearing the people from Belarus talk about the horrible things that happened in their country made me sick. I want to help the people who are disadvantaged and that’s why I would also love to do developing work for a non-profit organisation or to concentrate on human law. For that reasons the humanities and social science departments are really appealing to me.

My interests regard my current education are for that reason history, languages, art history, economy and geography. Because the human species are really interesting me, the systems and structures they develop like economies and societies, I love these subjects most. I’m very interested in creativity and arts. I’ve danced since I was a very young girl all kinds of styles. The lessons I had about 5 days a week taught me discipline, perseverance and a creative way to express myself. I also participated in the musical Peter Pan, working together towards a good result really boosted my self-esteem. I even once performed in the Royal Theater Carré in Amsterdam, the feeling the stage and the applause gives you is very satisfying and dance is really a passion I will never lose.

I can contribute a lot to the academic and social environment of UCU. At school I was always very participating, for example I leaded the ‘Anti-bully-committee’, I’ve set up a students council and joined it and I joint the school’s debate team. I also joined an exchange program with Greece, Spain and Italy with 7 young people from each country. I learned a lot because we had to organise everything ourselves, I also learned how to communicate more effectively with people who don’t speak English. My organisation skills were really put on the test, when the weather didn’t work along or suddenly things changed. I also volunteered in a summer camp for children, organising games with a minimum of materials was a great challenge we took almost everyday with a team of young people.

After UCU I want to get my Master degree abroad because I also have the desire to work abroad after I graduated, which study and country will be a choice I won’t make to hasty. An international career in human law, research or non-profit organisations are a few I consider.  

Summarising I’m an ambitious and curious girl who would love to go to UCU because of my goals and interests (international and interdisciplinary) and the profits this university could provide me. There is no other university who could provide me all of that, on the other hand I’m a very participating and active girl. I love to get involved with arts and everything that happens on campus. I hope to here from you soon and to be invited for an interview.

Yours sincerely,

Jazzzz

On forehand thanks for helping me out! I don't know how to register but I'll try later so I'm not an anonymous anymore

Thanks!

Jazz