Please correct my motivation letter to cambdrge college.

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Anonymous  #228193  Tue, 23 May 06 07:11 PM

Hi there! I am writing a motivation letter to college, for course where 1 year you learn english as a foreign language and some subjects for choice; second year is foundation for university. I am interesting in program like Performing arts, music, media. So, here is my letter :

Dear Sir or Madam,

Alexander Block once said: "And eternal fight! Peace we see only in dreams". I came to know if I set cleasr goals and work hard, I could envision my future and direct the path of my life. I have envisaged several tasks for my future and attending Cambridge RC is one of them.

Now, why do I want to study in Cambridge? I have travelled to many countries, but of all places I have been in though, my memories in England remain the fondest. The greate choice in shopping, every weekend football matches, the small roads, the overwhelming cafes at every street corner, the magnificent and always green parks, friendly and intellegent people, their culture, nice weather, and even hand squirrels, who are happy to see you with some nuts; I miss it so much..

What about me, I can honestly say I am very creative and unique person, I try everything that helps me in my future. I have graduated model school and sometimes I am working in Latvia as a model. Also, from my chilhood days I always have visited dance schools or courses. I really like to perform and it satisfies me. At this moment I have vocal lessons and english courses. It is important for me to speak english as on my native language.

Courses like Performing arts, music, media and english is something I have wanted to do for a very long time; I am confident that CRC is the best college for shaping my future the way I imagine. I have chosen the CRC not only because England is my favourite country, but also because your eminent college has exactly the program I am looking for. After graduating your college I am going to apply to university on Performing arts program.

I am very confident about my decision to pursue Performing arts and english, and I feel I will be able to excel in this field. I am determined to become an exceptional candidate for a career in this field by the time I finish my studies. I believe that CRC is the ideal college for me and that I am just the right pupil for it.

I look forward to hearing from you soon,

Yours truly,

Svetlana Zhukova

P.S. i'm thinking maybe in the begining instead Block to write : Pearl. S.Buck once said: "the secret of joy in work is contained in one word - excellence. To know how to do something well i to enjoy it"...  Or something other.. i don't know..  

  
nona the brit  #229316  Fri, 26 May 06 03:01 PM

This is a new approach to a motivational letter. I couldn't begin to say whether that is better than a traditional letter or not a good idea. So, if you want to go with this more creative style (and I'm not saying you are wrong) here are my comments.

Check your spelling - ou have one or two typos.

Memories OF England.  We don't have football every weekend (it is seasonal),  overwhelming is an odd word to describe cafes, nice weather might give them a bit of a laugh as it is our national sport to complain about our weather! Hand-tame squirrels perhaps?

You don't visit courses, you take part in them. English is a proper noun so always has a capital letter.

Your alternative quote seems more relevant.

  
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