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Anonymous  #450375  Thu, 06 Dec 07 03:41 PM
Hi all Wink [;)] Could sb correct mistakes in my tale? please, i've got it as homework from english and i have to got it as best as i could.
Please its very important. Thank you in advice Stick out tongue [:P] Subject of story is 'My Nightmare Journey'

Here it is:

'A nightmare journey I remember was five years ago. I was trying to get to ma grandma house which is 79miles farther. I packed up, dress and went to garage where suppose to be ma car.

When I was going down by the stairs i realized that i lend it to ma bestfriend..

-jeez. WHY?

I call a taxi.

Few minutes later I was going to the bus stop from which I could get to Manchester.. when i get out from cab I saw timetable which help me find out that I've been three munutes late. Next will be in 2,5h.

-jeez. WHY?

I phoned up ma friend to ask him if he could give me a lift to Manchester city. I'll pay for petrol ofcourse. He said OK and 20 min later picked me up from that way station. When we were passing by Oldham city. We had an accident. We fall out from rout and crashed on field.. I woke up in hospital and it was end of ma journey. I have broke ma leg and two hands. I will never walk again'.



I must done it till 1,5h


  
Grammar Geek  #450400  Thu, 06 Dec 07 05:10 PM

"ma" should be "my."

I should always be capitalized.

.. is not a way to end a sentence.

Sentences start with capital letters.

I broke my leg - not I have broke

"I will never walk again" seems like an overly dramatic ending!

You have a few problems with tense. Either put it all in the past (I packed up, dressed and went... for example)

I realized I had lent it to my best friend.

What are those links thoughout your essay?

  
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