Correcting this self-introduction essay

This is a discussion thread · 3 replies
Anonymous:
Hello everyone,

I'm an applicant to a scholarship programme, for an international univeristy, and I need to write a self-introduction essay. It is supposed to be friendly and answer the question who you are. My english level is just intermediate, and I think this is the best I can come up with. Honestly I find it dull and not intersting.
If someone with a higher proficiency can review it, then correct it from bad expressions and make it feel more natural english, I would appreciate it. Thanks in advance pour your precious help ! Any other advice will be welcome.

Dear Scholarship Officer,

In this letter, I’m willing to introduce myself briefly. My name is James Ryan, and I’m born the 29th of April 1990. I was raised amongst a middle class family, that gave priority to the education of its three children, in the beautiful city of xxx, capital of xxx My mother always states I was a curious and malicious child back then. I think it is true: even now, I cultivate an eagerly desire of knowledge and curiosity. I am currently a student at University xxx, majoring in Computer Science and Mathematics.

My secondary education took place in good conditions. I was initiated to foreign languages, learning French to mastery, and English to a reasonable level. My father, who is a Geochemistry Engineer, used to go overseas a lot for his work. He got the inestimable chance to travel through the world and meet other cultures. I promised myself to follow his path, and since then, I nourish the dream to dive under foreign skies.

As ambitions alone are seldom enough, I dedicated a lot of my time to concretize my project: I studied hard to have good marks, and started to learn Korean and Japanese languages; I describe myself as an autodidact, engaged in the path of personal development. Moreover, I also visited countries like Germany and Tunisia, as I really like to go towards other cultures, as long as my means permit it to me

Then, If I had to describe the individual I am today, those are an outline traits of my personality: I’m an honest person, energetic and passionate. The simple and beautiful things of life are what I enjoy the most: for instance, I’m fond of reading, and Arthur Conan Doyle, Agatha Christie and Mark Twain belong to my favorite authors. I like computers world, which I find fascinating. Furthermore, I have a passion for Kayaking, and I appreciate the adrenaline and sensations it provides.

At last, I will conclude with my plans for the future. I have the ambition to conduct a research, later, in the field of engineering. I’d like to contribute to the welfare of humanity in an efficient way. A Bachelor Degree, then a Master Degree, then a PhD : this is how I envision my academic progress. Perhaps most appealingly, I could also achieve my goals by entering a major international company, and obtaining some degree of influence over actual challenges — that is, becoming a problem solver myself in this 21th century.
Anonymous:
Please anyone ?
Anonymous:
Never mind, guys, I found an english teacher who's willing to help me Emotion: smile
I'm please asking a moderator to erase my message, as I want to avoid plagiarism.

Thank you.
Anonymous:
Thank you for inspiring in making a self introduction, James..
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