correction 2

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New2grammar

#514711 Sat, 17 May 08 06:34 AM

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my girlfriend. This time, I left home 20 minutes earlier than I usually did, which was around 40 minutes.
So, I thought to myself, "There's no way she's going to be waiting for me. I'll be there waiting even before
the flight attendants announce landing." Feeling confident and enjoying every moment the thought crossed my mind, I came to 5 miles away from the airport when I received a phone call. The first thought was the customer service guy who'd failed numerous times trying to fix my laptop, trying to beg for more repair time. Picking up the phone, a female's voice with an excited tone said, "
Hi Honey, where are you now? I can't wait another minute to see you."

Are there any mistakes!

Thanks in advance!

New2grammar

Joined on Tue, Nov 21 2006

Veteran Member (5,805)

CalifJim

#514713 Sat, 17 May 08 07:11 AM

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my girlfriend. This time, I left home 20 minutes earlier than I usually ~~did~~ do, which ~~was~~ is around 40 minutes.*
So, I thought to myself, "There's no way she's going to be waiting for me. I'll be there waiting even before the flight attendants announce the landing." Feeling confident and enjoying every moment, [the thought crossed my mind]*, I ~~came to 5 miles away from~~ was already within five miles of the airport when I received a phone call. ~~The~~ My first thought was that it was the customer service guy who'd failed numerous times ~~trying~~ to fix my laptop, trying to beg for more repair time. [Picking up the phone]*, ~~a female's voice with an excited tone said~~ I heard an excited female voice say, "Hi ~~Honey~~ honey, where are you now? I can't wait another minute to see you."

Are there any mistakes ! ?

Thanks in advance!

*unclear whether total time was 40 or 60 minutes.

*unclear why this clause is included, or even why the clause preceding it is included, for that matter.

*A voice did not pick up the phone! This is a typical example of the mistake called "dangling participle". That's why I changed the following clause.

CalifJim

Joined on Mon, Aug 2 2004

California

Veteran Member (15,689)

"There are no facts, only interpretations" - Nietzsche

Clauses

New2grammar

#514719 Sat, 17 May 08 07:31 AM

Regarding your second *, I included the clause because I was confident that I wouldn't be late that time for the first time.

Would it be clearer, if I had changed to "There's no way she's going to be waiting for me THIS TIME"?

Also, I wonder how you feel about " ~~came to 5 miles away from~~ "?

Thanks CJ for making the correction. It looks like there's a long way to go before I can write comfortably with few mistakes.

New2grammar

Clauses

CalifJim

#514722 Sat, 17 May 08 07:40 AM

New2grammar
Would it be clearer, if I had changed to "There's no way she's going to be waiting for me THIS TIME"?

Yes! I had no idea that's what you meant!

New2grammar
~~came to 5 miles away from~~

It's in blue rather than red because it's not a serious problem. If you insist on using it, write it as "came to within five miles away from" or "reached a point five miles away from". (Write out the smaller numbers in words; the larger numbers (25, 734, ...) can be written in digits. But even the larger numbers should be written in words if they stand at the beginning of a sentence.)