Could You please to check my motivation letter!!! please!!!

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MarinB

#506771 Mon, 28 Apr 08 10:21 PM

Dear Sir/Madam. I am writing to you to apply for the Bachelor’s Degree in International Business & Management Studies, in which I am particularly interested. My aim is to work in an international field related to financial and business logistic. The most actual and interesting program for me, is International Business & Management Studies. I believe, Hogeschool Utrecht with Bachelor’s degree course in International Business & Management, is the best place to achieve my career objectives. Before I moved to Holland, I was studied in Kuban State University of Technology, in Russia, majoring in Finance and Credit. I was studied part time and worked in Book Keeper position. After 3 years of my studying, I moved to Holland, it was a reason why I’m not graduate from the University. The first three month in Holland I was trying to find appropriate job for me. And, I can say, it was quite difficult. Now, I have worked for 7 month, I’m doing administration job and small part of Bookkeeping. But, fair to say, it is not the job, which I dreaming to do the rest of my life. My priority is analyzing information, not only accounting. On my experience I have had o lot of examples of mismanaging in companies. I always was wanted to find solution of these kinds of problems. Unfortunately I don’t have enough experience and theoretical knowledge in this field. Therefore, I have decided to continue my education in Holland and do my favorite job. My desire to study in an international environment is one of the main reasons for my choice to study in English program. The other significant reason for my choice is the quality of the education provided by the European high schools. No matter in which specific field you would like to realize yourself you would have significant advantage if you have graduated in some of the prestigious European high schools. A completion of this Bachelor Degree in Utrecht Hogeschool will be an excellent springboard for my future career and will provide me the knowledge and confidence to realize my dreams. Of an exceptional motivation, I strongly imply myself in my academic activities to carry out my objectives. Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response

MarinB

Joined on Mon, Apr 28 2008

New Member (08)

Universities, Motivation Letters

Clive

#506792 Tue, 29 Apr 08 12:10 AM

Hi,

You need to organize what you want to say into a number of shorter paragraphs, each dealing with a particular point that you want to make.

Try that, and repost if you want to, OK?

Best wishes, Clive

Clive

Joined on Thu, Oct 28 2004

Canada

Veteran Member (23,116)

El tango argentino es un pensamiento triste que se puede bailar (The tango argentino is a sad thought which can be danced) Enrique Santos Discépolo

Numbers, Motivation Letters, Paragraphs

MarinB

#507043 Tue, 29 Apr 08 12:51 PM

Yes, I know about that.

I have copied not correctly Smile

MarinB

Universities, Motivation Letters

MarinB

#507046 Tue, 29 Apr 08 12:57 PM

I dont know what happened. When I inserted, it kooks fine. But if i send it, all paragraphs are have gone Sad May be I have to tape it here, haven't I?

MarinB

Motivation Letters, Paragraphs

Clive

#507058 Tue, 29 Apr 08 01:19 PM

Hi,

Try again. Smile

Clive

Motivation Letters

MarinB

#507188 Tue, 29 Apr 08 05:20 PM

The first three month in Holland I was trying to find appropriate job for me. And, I can say, it was quite difficult. Now, I have worked for 7 month, I’m doing administration job and small part of Bookkeeping. But, fair to say, it is not the job, which I dreaming to do the rest of my life. My priority is analyzing information, not only accounting. On my experience I have had o lot of examples of mismanaging in companies. I always was wanted to find solution of these kinds of problems. Unfortunately I don’t have enough experience and theoretical knowledge in this field.

Therefore, I have decided to continue my education in Holland and do my favorite job. My desire to study in an international environment is one of the main reasons for my choice to study in English program. The other significant reason for my choice is the quality of the education provided by the European high schools. No matter in which specific field you would like to realize yourself you would have significant advantage if you have graduated in some of the prestigious European high schools. A completion of this Bachelor Degree in Utrecht Hogeschool will be an excellent springboard for my future career and will provide me the knowledge and confidence to realize my dreams. Of an exceptional motivation, I strongly imply myself in my academic activities to carry out my objectives. Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response

Smile

MarinB

Universities, Motivation Letters

Clive

#507283 Tue, 29 Apr 08 08:51 PM

Hi,

Here are various edits and suggestions.

Best wishes, Clive

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to apply for the Bachelor’s Degree in International Business & Management Studies, in which I am particularly interested.

My aim is to work in an international field related to financial and business logistics. I am particularly interested in International Business & Management Studies. I believe that Hogeschool Utrecht, with its Bachelor’s degree course in International Business & Management, is the best place to achieve my career objectives. Before I moved to Holland, I studied in Kuban State University of Technology, in Russia, majoring in Finance and Credit. I was a part-time sytudent, and also worked in a Book Keeper position. After 3 years of studying, I moved to Holland. This is why I did not graduate.

For the first three months in Holland, I tried to find an appropriate job, which was difficult. Now, I have been working for 7 months, doing administration and a little bookkeeping. However, this is not the job which I dream of doing for the rest of my life. My priority is analyzing information, and not only accounting. I have encountered examples of management error in various companies, and I have always wanted to find solutions for these kinds of problems. Unfortunately, I do not yet have enough experience and theoretical knowledge in this field.

Consequently, I have decided to continue my education in Holland to prpeare myself for the kind of job I want. My desire to study in an international environment is one of the main reasons for my decision to study in an English program. The other significant reason is the quality of the education provided by European high schools. In every field, graduation from one of the prestigious European high schools provides a significant advantage. My completion of this Bachelor Degree in Utrecht Hogeschool (does a high school give a bachelor degree? Are you sure you don't mean a University? will be an excellent springboard for my future career and will provide me the knowledge and confidence to realize my dreams. I have exceptional motivation and a strong committment to achieving my objectives.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.