Could you have a look at this stuff ?

Anonymous wrote:

Hi Tom, Three days ago I arrived to London. I stay in the Grand Hotel, it isn’t so expensive hotel but very comfortable. Food is very tasty, especially dinners. Tomorrow I want to visit the Buckingham Palace. I hope that you have also good time. See you soon XYZ

Hi,

I've suggested a number of changes, mainly related to vocabulary but some other things as well. I haven't explained the reason for every change, so if you don't understand anything, please write again.

Dear Sir/Madame,

I am writing to you because I have reserved by the Internet and next I have paid for Course: ‘English in Two Weeks. Level Pre-intermediate” in your school in Exeter. I have not got any answer from you until now, so that I am worried. I would re-organize this paragraph as follows, to first state what you have done and then indicate what the problem with it is. 'Reserve' is not a good choice of words, I suggest 'enroll'. 

I have enrolled, via the Internet, and have also paid for your course, ‘English in Two Weeks. Level Pre-intermediate', in your school in Exeter. I am writing because I have not yet received any response from you, and I am worried.

I have called you three times but nobody has answered, and I have left messages on your answerphone. I am really concerned about this situation because now I cannot plan my trip. I ask you to confirm my participation in your course or to refund my money.

I hope that this situation will be quickly resolved, because I have heard only good opinions about your school.
Thank you for your assistance. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully.
XYZ

I'd also like to add one small comment to Paco's corrections. I'd say 'The food is very tasty', as it's a specific reference to the food in the hotel.

Best wishes, Clive

This is my version:

Hi, Tom,

I arrived in London three days ago. After arriving here, I stayed in the Grand Hotel and found it to be inexpensive and comfortable. Food was tasty, especially the dinners. Tomorrow, I want to visit the Buckingham Palace.  I hope you are having a good time too.

See you soon,

XYZ

Dear Sir/Madam:

I am writing to you because I completed the application for your course, English in Two Weeks, the Pre-intermediate level, in Exester, by the internet and then, I did make a payment for the course. I am worried because I have not received any replies since.

I called you three times but have not received an answer yet. I did leave messages on your answering machine. I am sad about the situation because I have to plan my journey and I cannot do so. I am asking you to confirm my reservation for the course or refund the money.

I  want to let you know that I heard only good things about your school and hope this incident will not make me think otherwise about your school. 

Thank your for your anticipated cooperation on this matter and looking forward to hear from you soon.

Faithfully yours,

XYZ 

I would welcome any comments on mine too. Is my version too passionate and personal? 

I have two questions    :

- Do we have to put the article before "pre-intermediate level"?

- Shouldn't it be "look forward to hearing from you"?