Could somebody please take a look at my motivation letter? Thank you!

Hello,

I've just finished my letter for the Master's Programme in International Studies. I have read many posts and general advises and tried to follow them, but still might need help. Could somebody (native speaker?) take a glance at it and just drop me a line of what impression it gives or maybe help with my mistakes? I really appreciate your help and time.

The letter was a part of the application form, and the question sounded "Short description of your future plans/why you wish to take part in the MAIS programme".
Thank you so much for doing all this!
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I am writing to apply for the Master of Advanced International Studies.

I graduated in June 2004 from xxx State University with a degree in international relations. My specialization focuses on international integration and organizations. Having a strong interest in the European region I would like to concentrate my further studies on the European integration and to deepen my knowledge in international affairs. The MAIS programme offers an excellent opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of the various processes in the changing world and analyse the role of the European integration playing in it. Such skills would be essential in obtaining my career goals.

I intend to be occupied in international field of work related to multinational interactions within Europe in the global aspect. Especially, my ambition regards being a part of international organization connected with constructing multiple links, especially in the field of human rights, between the EU and Central and Eastern Europe including my country. The significant changes in the old system of international cooperation have created a wide field for research and analyse of the new possibilities and the new challenges that both sides have to handle.

Due to my various international experiences, deep interest in other cultures and strong abilities to foreign languages I have chosen to study international affairs in the university. Providing me with a wide range of knowledge it has also taught me systematical researching, analytical thinking and information evaluation. Moreover, these studies created the want to broaden my attainments concerning similar issues in order to obtain my career objectives.

The European matters have taken my interest at the third year in the university when I took several courses devoted to institutional basics of European integration in the context of globalization. Learning about the EU history and the modern processes of its enlargement provoked my desire to assess the special difficulties upon integration faced by Western and Eastern Europe due to their differences in political structure, democratic development and human rights dimension. These issues have also led me to participation in 2004 in the summer programme in Germany concerning the topical issues of growing Europe. It provided me with deeper insight of European relations and increased my interest in focusing my further education on this field.

I believe that I have a solid foundation, but through the Master’s programme I hope to develop expertise in international studies focusing on the European integration. Considering my special interest in pursuing carrier in international organizations I am highly motivated to visit their headquarters in xxx. Comprehensive academic programme enriched by interesting excursions, adherence to human rights and tolerance of the studies, international reputation and multicultural environment, location in one of the most beautiful places in the world and the possibility to strengthen foreign languages are my prior reasons for applying to the xxxx.

MountainHiker, thank you very much!

Yes, I had a feeling it was a bit of pointless too. I guess I am just trying to hide the fact that I'm not sure what exact position I want to have. I will work on it and get back with updated one at the soonest.

Valeria

Valeria,

This is getting better, but you got a ways to go yet.

Here's where I am still struggling....

If someone said, MH, "Describe Valeria," I'd be lost. I don't know much about you, and that is the purpose of this letter. While you need to discuss other stuff to relate your interests, this letter is about YOU. So if EU relations fascinate you, fine tell me why. Don't give me a treatise in this letter about EU relations. What I want to know is why does it fascinate you?

I think you want to provide more of a "picture" of Valeria. Tell us why you are fascinated by topic A. Give us lots of background on why. Tell us how you plan to use that knowledge. Here you can be brief and vague. "I want to gain a solid foundation in understanding the challenges and opportunities that countries joining or about the join the EU will have to take into consideration. I plan to use my knowledge to help companies (countries, citizens, space aliens) position themselves for change."

Get an education to give you options. So no need to be specific. Instead, tell us why you are interested.

With regard to the letter and CV, pretend that there is a Chinese Wall between the two documents. Don't assume that they've read your CV first. Or that they will consult your CV. Make your letter a complete stand alone document.

MountainHiker

Valeria,

Today is not the best day for me. What you might want to do is post your letter here on the forum and also send me a copy in MS Word format to my e-mail at mountainsleephiker @ gmail.com and remove the 'sleep' from my e-mail. I added the additional text to fool spam bots that cruise the Internet looking for addresses.

I find it a lot harder to edit online than I do in MS Word. Also, even though I might appear to be online, often I am not. I use Firefox browswer and often I just leave one tab on English Forums, even though I am doing something else or even away from the PC entirely.

I look forward to seeing what we can do.

The "private version" can include your school name (and anything else) etc., as obviously it won't be seen by the masses. This is not an invitation to share, but rather a note that you need not be as cautious.

MountainHiker