hello everyone here! could sb help me to correct this CL that i wrote there minutes ago? thanks a lot in adavance!

Dear Sirs,

I’ve found your offer 《Business Unit Manager》 on the website of ***, and this position interests me very much.

Graduate from a French 《Grande Ecole》with two majors: 《international strategic management and consulting》 and 《marketing offer strategic piloting》, I’ve formed myself a solid knowledge of marketing and sales. Furthermore, as a Chinese, these years my stay in France has allowed me to improve my French in order to work well in a company, and, to integrate well in a team.

Being a passion with the industries, I am especially interested by a position in your company. In fact, its notability in the word of education has immediately called my attention because your business interests me very much and I really want to be specialized in this business. Moreover, I have already done the different internships in China and in France, during which I have compared the cultural and commercial differences between these two countries. Today, multicultural minded, I hope to work in your companies with all my knowledge and apply them in the international projects.

In order to prove my motivation and my competence in detail, I will be happy to meet you during an interview. I am at your disposal for all the information and I am waiting for your future contacts.

Thank you for your considerations.

Yours sincerely,

Dear Sirs,

I saw your advertisement for a Business Unit Manager on the website of ***, and this position interests me very much.

I graduated from a 《Grande Ecole》with two majors: international strategic management and consulting, and marketing offer strategic piloting (this doesn't mean anything to me, I don't think your translation has quite worked -Strategic Marketing and advertising perhaps? Offer and piloting are definitely wrong here), and since graduating I’ve built a solid knowledge of marketing and sales. Furthermore, as a Chinese person,  my stay in France has enabled me to improve my French in order to work well in a company, and to integrate well in a team.

Having a passion for these industries, I am especially interested by a position in your company. In fact, your reputation in the word of education has immediately called my attention and I really want to  specialize in this field. Moreover, I have already completed internships in China and in France, during which I have compared the cultural and commercial differences of these two countries. Today, I am multiculturally minded, and I hope to work to apply all my knowledge to international projects.

In order to prove my motivation and my competence in detail, I would appreciate the opportunity to meet you during an interview. I am at your disposal for any  information and I am waiting for your future contact.

Thank you for your consideration.

Yours sincerely,