Cover Letter for Job Application needs proofreading and comments

Hi,

I will provide some cursory comments.

MountainHiker



Dear Ms. Kim Balchin:

I am writing to apply for a position of architectural assistant at your office. I have enclosed my C.V. for your consideration.



Through five years of studying architecture and design, I have developed good presentation skills and precision in detail design and the use of materials. My experience includes designing building in different sites in many cities and cultures, which involved working with research method and strategy process.[1] In addition to my degree in architecture, I have also developed skills in customer service and team management while working in a furniture department team at Habitat Ltd. With these qualities and strong belief in my design, I wish to become part of Scott Brownrigg team.

Please kindly consider my application. I am looking forward to hearing from you and would welcome the opportunity to meet you. [you should show some initiative and follow up with Kim and not wait for her to call you]

Yours sincerely,

Pitak Chaijumroonpun.



Notes:

1) You need to completely rework this sentence. "My experience includes designing building in different sites in many cities and cultures, which involved working with research method and strategy process."

It is wayyyyyyyyyyyyy to vague. If I were Kim, I would look poorly upon your application for many reasons. Tell Kim WHICH cities, and WHICH cultures, and I have no idea what "research method and strategy process" means. Do you?

2) I don't know where you want to logically place, "As an admirer of quality construction and space, I have undertaken [further studies post architecture?] and have recently graduated from RIBA part 1 in architecture from the University of East London."

You might try another revision and then post it again.