Help with Cover Letter Letter pls

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ankdres  #499232  Fri, 11 Apr 08 06:36 AM

Can anyone help me please with this letter? Grammar and concordance for example?

Motivation Letter:

The Graduate programme in Finance at Hampton College is according my target to develop my skills on the financial field for a knowledge improvement and a career progression on the financial industry. Regarding the excellent reputation of Hampton College in specific, the Department of Economics, and its international recognized researches, I have chosen Hampton to study. Furthermore, I also plan to do the Master in Finance at Hampton, after finishing the graduate finance program.

I have a work experience in La Caja, one of the biggest spanishes bank in assets, working in an external commission auditing loans contracts and reporting directly for the Spanish Central Bank and the National Treasury. After that, I have finished my degree and I came to London to improve my English skills when I have started to work in a International Company of Funds’ Transfers, liasing with more than 240 banks around the world, processing and confirming multi FX settlements, treasury, daily reconcialitions and cheque risk administrations. Starting as sales executive and finishing as a manager in the central branch of the company.

Aside my working experience, I also have knowledge in stock market, being a keen awareness of world events, current affair and financial markets. My interest in those subjects have started after I made a course, during my degree, in financial markets and technical chart analysis, and I have started to invest on the Madrid Stock Exchange using an online stockbroker platform.

I have studied the elementary and high school in a top school in Madrid, Montfort School, which allowed me to enter in a top 5 university in Madrid, Universidad Complutense de Madrid. Where I have studied Business Administration, what the equivalent in UK would be a Bachelor Hons Degree in Science in Business Administration. Which includes, statistics, finance, accounting, marketing, economics, administration, human resource and strategy planning.

Thus, I am very motivated in improve my mathematical skills and my technical knowledge in finance with Hampton College.

Your sincerely,

Anderson.
  
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Mister Micawber  #500100  Sun, 13 Apr 08 11:17 AM
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I have underlined some problem areas.  One point-- usually, you should use simple past tense where you have used present perfect:


Motivation Letter:

The Graduate programme in Finance at Hampton College is according my target to develop my skills on the financial field for a knowledge improvement and a career progression on the financial industry. Regarding the excellent reputation of Hampton College in specific, the Department of Economics, and its international recognized researches, I have chosen Hampton to study. Furthermore, I also plan to do the Master in Finance at Hampton, after finishing the graduate finance program.

I have a work experience in La Caja, one of the biggest spanishes bank in assets, working in an external commission auditing loans contracts and reporting directly for the Spanish Central Bank and the National Treasury. After that, I have finished my degree and I came to London to improve my English skills when I have started to work in a International Company of Funds’ Transfers, liasing with more than 240 banks around the world, processing and confirming multi FX settlements, treasury, daily reconcialitions and cheque risk administrations. Starting as sales executive and finishing as a manager in the central branch of the company.

Aside my working experience, I also have knowledge in stock market, being a keen awareness of world events, current affair and financial markets. My interest in those subjects have started after I made a course, during my degree, in financial markets and technical chart analysis, and I have started to invest on the Madrid Stock Exchange using an online stockbroker platform.

I have studied the elementary and high school in a top school in Madrid, Montfort School, which allowed me to enter in a top 5 university in Madrid, Universidad Complutense de Madrid. Where I have studied Business Administration, what the equivalent in UK would be a Bachelor Hons Degree in Science in Business Administration. Which includes, statistics, finance, accounting, marketing, economics, administration, human resource and strategy planning.

Thus, I am very motivated in improve my mathematical skills and my technical knowledge in finance with Hampton College.

Your sincerely,

Anderson

  
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Anonymous  #521710  Sun, 01 Jun 08 04:24 PM
Thank you very much Micawber!! You helped me a lot...

Andreson. 

 

  
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