Please help me fix my covering letter

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Bongo

#55328 Sun, 14 Nov 04 09:56 PM

Hi Im looking for job in interior design right now.
English is my second language for me, I need some help to correct my covering letter,
may be some sentense doesn't make sence but please don't hesitate to comment on it.
thank you very much for taking your time.

Dear Ms. S Lewise

I am writing to apply for a trainee position at your office. Because I am passionate about the subject of interior design and would like to contribute my skills to your office .Please find my attached resume.

After graduating from BTEC HND Interior design at Guild Hall University, I attended BA Interior and spatial design from Chelsea College of Art and Design. My early part of studying, projects were concentrated to work on hand drawings such as perspective details and sketches. Now I have huge confident to use drawing techniques. Later I advanced to study to expressing my ideas and concepts using 3 dimensional computer models and I became efficient in skill.

In addition, my work experience includes working in the antique gallery as well as working in furniture design office. Although both positions were a little different field from my chosen profession, I benefited from the experience. More specifically, I learned to achieve aesthetical sense of towards to design and use of materials, and also importance of team management.

I am very ambitious and able to adapt easily to different situations.

I look forward to meet you. If you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact me on 020 ......... / 0777 ......... I will contact you in two weeks time as follow up to this letter.

Yours faithfully,

Bongo

Joined on Mon, Nov 1 2004

Japan

New Member (05)

Resume, Tenses, Universities, Yours faithfully

anon1

#55333 Sun, 14 Nov 04 10:43 PM

Hi,

Here are my preliminary thoughts and comments. Please review and comment. Others are encouraged to comment as well.

MountainHiker

Dear Ms. S Lewise: [include the colon]

I am writing to apply for a trainee position. I have enclosed my resume for your review.

[Because I am passionate about the subject of interior design and would like to contribute my skills to your office. I am not sure what to do with this sentence. I am inclined to simply delete it.]

After graduating from BTEC HND Interior design at Guild Hall University, I attended BA Interior and Spatial Design from Chelsea College of Art and Design. During my early studies, my projects were concentrated on hand drawings with emphasis on perspective [comma?? I don't know] details and sketches. I am very confident of my drawing abilities. Later in my studies, I advanced my skills by being proficient in expressing my ideas and concepts using 3 dimensional computer models.

My work experience includes working in the antique gallery as well as working in furniture design office. Although both positions are in a [deleted "little"...it sounds apologetic] different field from my chosen profession, I benefited from the experience. More specifically, I learned to create aesthetic designs and [use of materials as well--not sure what you mean here...please elaborate] as the importance of team management.

I am very ambitious and able to adapt easily to different situations.

I look forward to meeting you. If you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact me on 020 ......... / 0777 ......... I will contact you in two weeks time as follow up to this letter.

Yours faithfully,

anon1

Joined on Fri, Jul 2 2004

Senior Member (2,049)

Colons, Commas, Resume, Universities, Yours faithfully