Hi there!

...and again: THANKs a lot! This forum is really great and I appreciate your help so much.

I had another try and rearranged almost the whole letter:

1. Paragraph
- My background, what aroused my interest
- A little bit about subject (so that addressee can see I have thought about the theme complex)
- My affinity for the subject and what I want to learn about

-> I would never start a German letter with “I” – what do you think about my first sentence/paragraph, should I rearrange it, is something missing?

2. Paragraph
- This paragraph briefly tells the reader, that I have already spoken with the academic stuff regarding my special interest in the subject

3. Paragraph
- Empirical research: My working experience, my interest in developing my research skills
- The fact that empirical research is very important (regarding the subject Politics/Public Policy)

4. Paragraph
- My motivation: What I want and Why (as far as I am able to outline …)
@ hitchhiker: I know, there is just a public or a private sector… could I write: “public or private business research institution” OR should I just write: “research institution”???

5. Paragrph
- My face-to-face contact … my insight …
->hard to say why I think it is the right choice, it is more a feeling, you know?!

@guest: I really don’t know how many applications they have – I have been told to write no more than two pages; I tried to shorten it…

I am looking forward to seeing your comments!

Nadine
_____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____

Dear ladies and gentlemen:

I graduated in communication science in July 2004 with a strong focus on political communication and international relations; I took also several courses in the field of politics, which had aroused my interest in political issues like European public policy. In my postgraduate studies I want to combine my knowledge of the media, the interaction between media, government, business and civil society with a competent knowledge of European public policy. As for me European Comparative Public Policy is one of the most interesting subjects to study because Globalization and European integration are creating an increasing interdependence and complexity of political, economic, social and cultural processes. This has its impact on all democratic societies. I want to gain expertise in specific policy fields and specialized techniques. I am interested studying the variation in national policy patterns within Europe and the wider OECD area and to analyse how the nation’s political leaders, government officials and business executives handle the upcoming challenges.

Concerning my special interest in Information policy I have already talked to Prof. Xxx and Prof. yyy. Although Prof. Dr. yyy expects to be on sabbatical leave next year, and thus he will not be able to teach the information Policy course in 2005/6, he has stated his willingness to supervise my work for research-based 15,000 word dissertation providing my topic falls within the scope of his research interest.

During my last two semesters at the University of Xxx I worked on an empirical study with main focus on nation images. Moreover I worked over two years as a student assistant at the chair of Methods of Social Research. Because I have a curious and inquisitive mind and a passion for investigation, I am especially interested in further developing my skills in empirical research. Furthermore, political problems are always complex. Therefore they have to be tackled with the help of analytical and methodological techniques in order to contribute to their rational and justifiable solution.

I am highly motivated to study and want to gain the scientific knowledge and practical experience I will need to advance the public interest by advising policy decisions on a rational basis or to estimate policy decisions that have been made by officials. With a solid foundation in academic theory on public policy, the strong background in empirical research, combined with a setting of professors and students from all over the world, I am confident that I will have the skills, knowledge and contacts which enable me to pursue a career as a policy analyst in the several areas in a public or private businesses research institution on an international level.

During the summer months 2004 I lived in xxx and seized the opportunity to speak with Prof. Xxx about the Masters program in European Comparative Public Policy. I also met with xxx, a postgraduate student, who answered my questions from a student’s point of view. This gave me a proper insight into master program: course structure and offer, student support by academic stuff, their competence as well as their research interests and the reputation of the School of Social and Political Studies. Thus, I fell confident that the Master in European Comparative Public Policy is the right choice for me and I would appreciate to receive the opportunity to study at the University of Xxx.

Hi MountainHiker,

Thanks for the quick answer and help!

So far I have really learnt a lot just from rewriting my letter and reading other comments.

Just two questions:

- I wrote: “(…) because Globalization and European integration are creating an increasing interdependence and (..).”
- You corrected: “(…) because Globalization and European Integration are creating an increasingLY interdependenT and (…).”

-> Writing or speaking English I just use my feeling for the language (most of the time). Although I doubt that it is wise when it comes to my English. However in this case I couldn’t see my error. Did you apply to a rule or does the sentence just sound better now?

- I searched for samples and similarly related letters the English Forums and I found a few sentences which I adapted (->the first and the last paragrph). Do you think they fit?

And again, I rearranged my paragraphs on your recommendation and I also shorten my letter.

Looking forward to seeing your comment!

Nadine

_________ __________ _________ _________ _______ ________ _________


Nadine MySurname
Street
Zip-code town
Country
Email

09-21-2004


University of xxx
Dep.
Address
Town zip-code
Country



Dear Sir:

The purpose of writing this letter is to request that you consider my application for the master program in European Comparative Public Policy.

I graduated in communication science in July 2004 with a strong focus on political communication and international relations; I also took several courses in the field of politics, which aroused my interest in political issues such as European public policy.
European Comparative Public Policy is one of the most interesting subjects to study because Globalization and European Integration are creating an increasingly interdependent and complex set of political, economic, social, and cultural processes. This complex set of processes affects all democratic societies. I am interested studying the variation in national policy patterns within Europe and the wider OECD area and to analyse how the nation’s political leaders, government officials and business executives handle the upcoming challenges.

All though my last two semesters at the University of Xxx I worked on an empirical study with main focus on nation images. Moreover I worked over two years as a student assistant at the chair of Methods of Social Research. Because I have a curious and inquisitive mind and a passion for investigation, I am especially interested in further developing my skills in empirical research.

With a solid foundation in academic theory on public policy, the strong background in empirical research, combined with a setting of professors and students from all over the world, I am confident that I will have the skills, knowledge and contacts which enable me to pursue a career as a policy analyst in the several areas in a public or private businesses research institution on an international level.

During the summer months 2004 I lived in xxx and seized the opportunity to speak with Prof. Xxx about the masters program in European Comparative Public Policy. I also met with xxx, a postgraduate student, who answered my questions from a student’s point of view. This gave me a proper insight into master program: course structure, support by academic community, fields of research and the reputation of the School of Social and Political Studies.
Concerning my special interest in Information Policy I also talked to Prof. Xxx and Prof. yyy. Although Prof. Dr. yyy expects to be on sabbatical leave next year, and thus he will not be able to teach the information Policy course in June 2005. He has stated his willingness to supervise my work for research-based 15,000 word dissertation providing my topic falls within the scope of his research interest.

I feel confident that the Master in European Comparative Public Policy is the right choice for me and I would appreciate to receive the opportunity to study at the University of Xxx. Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Yours Faithfully,

Nadine

Nadine & Guest,

Very well done. I have used both your versions to create yet a third version. There might be some very slight areas for improvement, but you are 95% done.

---

Dear Sir:


I am writing to apply for the Master (should this be Masters?--I think so--Maybe Masters Degree?) programme in European Comparative Public Policy.

I graduated in communication science in July 2004 (from where?) . My degree focuses on political communication and international relations. I also took several courses in politics, which aroused my interest in issues such as European public policy.

[This last part seems a tad weak. "...interest in issueS such as European public policy." That is just one issue. Are there others? You need only provide one, but if it is only one, then there are better ways to write that. Maybe, "aroused my interest in issues that affect European public policy. Why did it arouse your interest? One last point, can you think of a better word than "arouse". I don't especially like "arouse" because of its sexual connotation.]

European Comparative Public Policy would be interesting to study because globalization and European integration are creating an increasingly interdependent and complex set of political, economic, social, and cultural processes. This affects all democratic societies. I am interested in studying the variation in national policy patterns within Europe and the wider OECD area and analysing how the nation’s political leaders, government officials and business executives handle the upcoming challenges. [1]

European Comparative Public Policy is one of the most interesting subjects to study because Globalization and European Integration are creating an increasingly interdependent and complex set of political, economic, social, and cultural processes. This complex set of processes affects all democratic societies. I am interested studying the variation in national policy patterns within Europe and the wider OECD area and to analyse how the nation’s political leaders, government officials and business executives handle the upcoming challenges.

All though my last two semesters at the University of Xxx I worked on an empirical study with main focus on nation images. Moreover I worked over two years as a student assistant at the chair of Methods of Social Research. I have a passion for research and am especially interested in further developing my skills in empirical research.

During the summer months 2004 I lived in xxx and seized the opportunity to speak with Prof. Xxx about the Masters Degree program in European Comparative Public Policy. I also met with xxx, a postgraduate student, who answered my questions from a student’s point of view. This inspired me to apply for this course. Concerning my special interest in Information Policy I also talked to Prof. Xxx and Prof. yyy. Although Prof. Dr. yyy expects to be on sabbatical leave next year ans not teaching the information Policy course, he has agreed to supervise my work for a research-based 15,000 word dissertation providing my topic falls within the scope of his research interest.

With a solid foundation in academic theory on public policy and empirical research gained through the Masters Degree programme in European Comparative Public Policy at Univsity of xxx, I am confident that I will have the skills, knowledge and contacts which enable me to pursue a career as a policy analyst in a research institution on an international level. Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response. [2]

Yours truly, [I don't use Faithfully very often, especially capitalized. Maybe it is more common in Europe?]

Nadine

---

Note #1

1i) European Comparative Public Policy would be interesting to study because globalization and European integration are creating an increasingly interdependent and complex set of political, economic, social, and cultural processes. This affects all democratic societies.

1ii) European Comparative Public Policy would be interesting to study because globalization and European integration are creating an increasingly interdependent and complex set of political, economic, social, and cultural processes. This complex set of processes affects all democratic societies.

Here it is a judgement call. I usually don't like writing, "This affects..." My thinking is, "This WHAT affects..." On the other hand, it is pretty clear what the what is. Some people don't like to repeat words from sentence to sentence, fearing it is repetitous. I disagree, believing it often adds continuity. All that said, I think I would lean in favor of the guest's version. We are trying to be very clean in your essay and his version is more succint. But it is a style judgement call.

2i) I am interested in studying the variation in national policy patterns within Europe and the wider OECD area and to analyse how the nation’s political leaders, government officials and business executives handle the upcoming challenges.

You should keep the symmetry. I am studying, analyzing, working, thinking...etc.

2ii) I am interested in studying the variation in national policy patterns within Europe and the wider OECD area and analysing how the nation’s political leaders, government officials and business executives handle the upcoming challenges.


Note #2

In your and the guest's version you had two summary paragraphs were you were confident that you were making the correct choice. Let's have ONE summary paragraph that combines the whole kit and caboodle.



Nadine, with reqard to your questions...

Just two questions: - I wrote: “(…) because Globalization and European integration are creating an increasing interdependence and (..).” - You corrected: “(…) because Globalization and European Integration are creating an increasingLY interdependenT and (…).” -> Writing or speaking English I just use my feeling for the language (most of the time). Although I doubt that it is wise when it comes to my English. However in this case I couldn’t see my error. Did you apply to a rule or does the sentence just sound better now?

I didn't follow any rule. I kept having difficulty when I read your sentences. They were long and complex and my tiny bean was having difficulty slotting all the information into the proper slots. So I simply asked myself, what do you think it ought to be? And that is what I created. It is a set. Okay, that allowed me to group everything. And the other parts just sounded more natural to me. I can't provide a formula or tell you why one version is better than the other. Like you, I am operating on gut instinct.


You might wish to tweak this letter a tiny bit more before you are completely done. But as I mentioned, I think you are 95% there. Have a look at your original essay and look at this one. Quite a difference, no? Be sure to thank the guest for his help. He has been very helpful in his comments.

Best regards,
MountainHiker

Hello MountainHiker and Guest

First of all I have to say "Thank U so much"!

It is just amazing that there is something like this English Forum on the web: people volunteering their time and efforts to help strangers...

I will have a look if there is some kind of Germany Forum; I would be pleased to help others like you…

Best regards,
Nadine

Nadine,

Here's a book I highly recommend, Style : Toward Clarity and Grace by Joseph M. Williams.

I also highly recommend his accompanying book, Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace (7th Edition).

These two books will help you tremendously with your writing. Given that you are going to be doing a lot of writing in your chosen field, I strongly urge you to make the small investment in money and a significantly larger investment in time. Study these books and your writing will improve dramatically.

I need to reread these books as well.

Hope that helps.

MountainHiker