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anon1  +  46626 Tue, 21 Sep 04 10:23 PM
Nadine,

Actually, I did spot a typo in your letter. Look at where you use "nation's political leaders". It should be "nations' political leaders".

Clean up your letter one last time, and post on here for one last look. There might be one or two more small gremlins still lurking.

MountainHiker
Joined on Fri, Jul 2 2004
Senior Member 2,049
Nadine1978  +  46717 Wed, 22 Sep 04 10:47 AM
Hello MH and Guest

Thanks again for your proof-reading and the suggestions (I am going to buy at least one of those books)!

I think my English is really weak. I have no problems when it comes to small talk, as I lived for about 8 month in New Hampshire and spend this summer in Scotland.
My poblem is: I have never really practiced writing. I just hope that I will be able to improve my English; otherwise I don’t know how I should manage the master.

In two weeks I am going to fly to Australia for a so called “Work & Travel Year”.
At the moment I have no idea how I could improve my writing, as I will not take my laptop along. Do you have any suggestions?

Ok, I hope this is the final Version and I don’t have to bother you anymore with my letter.

____________ ______________ _________________ _____________ ________________


Dear Sir:

I am writing to apply for the Master's in European Comparative Public Policy.(1)

I graduated in communication science in July 2004 from the University of xxx. My degree focuses on political communication and international relations. I also took several courses in politics, which increased my interest in issues that affect European public policy.(2)

European Comparative Public Policy would be interesting to study because globalization and European integration are creating an increasingly interdependent and complex set of political, economic, social, and cultural processes. This affects all democratic societies. I am interested in studying the variation in national policy patterns within Europe and the wider OECD area and analysing how the nations' political leaders, government officials and business executives handle the upcoming challenges.

All though my last two semesters at the University of Xxx I worked on an empirical study with main focus on nation images. Moreover I worked over two years as a student assistant at the chair of Methods of Social Research. I have a passion for research and am especially interested in further developing my skills in empirical research.

During the summer months 2004 I lived in xxx and seized the opportunity to speak with Prof. Xxx about the Master's Degree program in European Comparative Public Policy. I also met with xxx, a postgraduate student, who answered my questions from a student’s point of view. This inspired me to apply for this course. Concerning my special interest in Information Policy I also talked to Prof. Xxx and Prof. yyy. Although Prof. Dr. yyy expects to be on sabbatical leave next year and not teaching the information Policy course, he has agreed to supervise my work for a research-based 15,000 word dissertation providing my topic falls within the scope of his research interest. (3)

With a solid foundation in academic theory on public policy and empirical research gained through the Master's Degree program in European Comparative Public Policy at University of xxx, I am confident that I will have the skills, knowledge and contacts which enable me to pursue a career as a policy analyst in a research institution on an international level. Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Yours faithfully,

Nadine



(1) Concerning “Master” or “Masters”: I looked it up and a Professor used “Master's” in one of his emails!?

(2.1) “Why did it arouse your interest?”->That’s a tough question; hard to say, why is someone interested in biology or math…? ... doesn’t the next paragraph respond to this question in some way?

(2.2) “One last point, can you think of a better word than "arouse".- >Do you think >increase
(3) Wouldn’t it sound better to say: “…he expects being on … and not teaching …” OR
“… he expects to be on … and not to teach”? I just remembered your suggestion MH ("You should keep the symmetry")
Joined on Thu, Sep 16 2004
New Member 07
anon1  +  46762 Wed, 22 Sep 04 03:29 PM
Dear Sir:

I am writing to apply for the Master's Degree program in European Comparative Public Policy.(1)

I graduated in communication science in July 2004 from the University of xxx. My degree focuses on political communication and international relations. I also took several courses in politics, which provoked my strong interest in issues that affect European public policy.(2)

European Comparative Public Policy is interesting to study because globalization and European integration are creating an increasingly interdependent and complex set of political, economic, social, and cultural processes. (3) This affects all democratic societies. I am interested in studying the variation in national policy patterns within Europe and the wider OECD area and analysing how the nations' political leaders, government officials, and business executives handle the upcoming challenges.

During my last two semesters at the University of Xxx I worked on an empirical study with main focus on nation images. (4) Moreover I worked for two years as a student assistant at the chair of Methods of Social Research. (5) I have a passion for research and am especially interested in further developing my skills in empirical research.

During the summer months 2004 I lived in xxx and seized the opportunity to speak with Prof. Xxx about the Master's Degree program. ( 6 ) I also met with xxx, a postgraduate student, who answered my questions from a student’s point of view. (7) Concerning my special interest in Information Policy I also talked to Prof. Xxx and Prof. yyy. Although Prof. Dr. yyy expects to be on sabbatical leave next year, he has agreed to supervise my work for a research-based 15,000 word dissertation providing my topic falls within the scope of his research interest. (8)

With a solid foundation in academic theory on public policy and empirical research gained through the Master's Degree program in European Comparative Public Policy at University of xxx, I am confident that I will have the skills, knowledge, and contacts which enable me to pursue a career as a policy analyst in a research institution on an international level. Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Yours faithfully,

Nadine

(1) Yes, Master's is correct. I found it odd, given I have a Master's Degree, that I had to look it up. Lol. I/We use "program" in North America, but is program spelled "programme" in the UK? According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, Programme is a variant spelling. I prefer program

(2) "provoked" and "strong interest"

(3) I changed "would be" to "is". I am assuming that you are doing some informal studying and observing now. I like to say away from the "shoulda, coulda, woulda" type phrases. I like a more forward approach. This IS true blah blah blah.

(4) You wrote "All though..." I think you meant "All thRough..." I prefer "During...." It is simpler, more efficient.

(5) Rather than "I worked for over two years..." I rewrote that to "I worked for two years..." Over sounds a bit odd. If the "over" part is important, then I worked for 15 months as...

(6) We spell out the whole "Master's Degree program in European Comparative Public Policy at University" at the beginning and at the end. Thus, I don't want to repeat it again here.

(7) I deleted "This inspired me to apply for this course." Instead, what inspired you to apply is, "I also took several courses in politics, which provoked my strong interest in issues that affect European public policy." in your introduction.

(8) Wouldn’t it sound better to say: “…he expects being on … and not teaching …” OR

“… he expects to be on … and not to teach”? I just remembered your suggestion MH ("You should keep the symmetry")

Why not just delete it? If he is on sabbatical, then he cannot teach, no? One follows the other?

--------
Just a note, I noted that we were inconsistent in our comma usage.
(1) blah, blah, and blah - my preferred usage
(2) blah, blah and blah - not my preferred usage

People vary on how they deal with the serial comma. I think it is important to be consistent.

I still find "Yours faithfully" odd sounding. It doesn't sound professional to me. But again, that might simply be a cultural difference. In North America, it would be "Yours truly". Please double check the closing "Your faithfully,".

http://www.bradleycvs.co.uk/cvservice/coverle.htm
http://www.psychnet-uk.com/mental_health_jobs/tips/cover_letter.htm
http://www.britain.tv/recruitment_writing_covering_letter_an_example.shtml

http://www.careers.cam.ac.uk/students/work/covletter.asp
11. Sign off 'Yours sincerely' with your name typed underneath your signature

http://www.e-r.co.uk/about/goodcl.cfm
http://tinyurl.com/62u6w

~~~~~
http://www.iu-bremen.de/career/32400/
Avoid closing with old-fashioned phrases such as We remain faithfully yours, Respectfully yours etc, The comma after the complimentary closing is optional (Yours faithfully, or yours faithfully)

Note that Americans tend to close even formal letters with Yours truly or Truly yours, which is unusual in the UK in commercial correspondence. But a letter to a friend may end with Yours truly or the casual Best wishes.
~~~~~~

I think I would go with "Yours sincerely,". That way you avoid the cultural differences and it is still commonly used. Be sure to include the comma after sincerely.






Nadine,

Please check back sometime this weekend. I suspect that we are done. But sometimes the mind continues to work on things and something new pops up. If there is anything new, I will post it.

Also, of the two books, get the first one. The second book is a practice book, but you NEED the first book first.

To keep your English skills up while in Australia, buy both books. Read the first, and do the exercises in the second. You will be in good shape.

This has been a fun exercise. I think you've done very well.

Again, please check back late this weekend, say late Sunday or even Monday in case there are any other changes.

MountainHiker
anon1  +  47190 Fri, 24 Sep 04 08:07 PM
Dear Sir: (see if you can find the person’s name)

I am writing to apply for the Master's Degree program in European Comparative Public Policy at University of xxx.

I graduated in communication science in July 2004 from the University of xxx. My degree focuses on political communication and international relations. I also took several courses in politics, which provoked my strong interest in issues that affect European public policy.

European Comparative Public Policy is interesting to study because globalization and European integration are creating an increasingly interdependent and complex set of political, economic, social, and cultural processes. This affects all democratic societies. I am interested in studying the variation in national policy patterns within Europe and the wider OECD area and analysing how the nations' political leaders, government officials, and business executives handle upcoming challenges.

During my last two semesters at the University of Xxx, I worked on an empirical study with main focus on nation images. Moreover, I worked for two years as a student assistant to the chair of Methods of Social Research conducting/”participating in” research. I have a passion for research and am especially interested in further developing my skills in empirical research.

During the summer months 2004 I lived in xxx and seized the opportunity to speak with Prof. Xxx about the Master's Degree program. I also met with xxx, a postgraduate student, who answered my questions from a student’s point of view. Concerning my special interest in Information Policy I also talked to Prof. Xxx and Prof. yyy. Although Prof. Dr. yyy expects to be on sabbatical leave next year, he has agreed to supervise my work for a research-based 15,000 word dissertation providing my topic falls within the scope of his research interest. Having spoken students and professors, I am excited by my decision to pursue my Master’s degree.

With a solid foundation in academic theory on public policy and empirical research gained through the Master's Degree program in European Comparative Public Policy at University of xxx, I am confident that I will have the skills, knowledge, and contacts that will enable me to pursue a career as an international policy analyst at a research institution.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.



Sincerely yours,



Nadine




I made some subtle changes here and there. Some of the more significant changes are outlined below.


1) You have to watch British and American spelling. For example, analysing versus analyzing.


2) “During my last two semesters at the University of Xxx, I worked on an empirical study with main focus on nation images.”

Did you work on or help to complete? I like completing better.

“During my last two semesters at the University of Xxx, I helped complete an empirical study with main focus on nation images.”

Working on gives me the impression that it is still a work in progress. Also, will people know what a “nation image” is? I don’t. Is there something else we can use to describe it?


3) Moreover, I worked for two years as a student assistant to the chair of Methods of Social Research conducting/”participating in” research.

Choose either “conducting” or “participating in” (without the quotes, of course)


4) I added the research stuff to this sentence. I want everything to point towards research. That way, your concluding sentence flows nicely. Otherwise the reader is wondering what the relevance is of your being an assistant

5) “Having spoken students and professors, I am excited by my decision to pursue my Master’s degree.”

That paragraph had some very good material in that you showed initiative in talking to profs and students, but we didn’t seem to capitalize on it. So I thought this concluding sentence would add a bit of glamour or pizzazz to your paragraph. Agree?

I always like to see some passion.

nona the brit  +  48005 Wed, 29 Sep 04 01:54 PM
Hi, it's me, guest, registered at last.

The sign off should be

Yours sincerely

not Sincerely yours.
Joined on Wed, Sep 22 2004
England
Veteran Member 11,713
The name says it all.
Anonymous, 2 yr 325 days ago

Hi there! i am just strugling to draft a nice cover letter for MBA ! your Comments and suggestions would be Apriciated a lot.

 

 

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am pleased enough to write about my deep desire to earn MBA degree from internationally reputed University of Calgary. Couple of years ago, I enjoyed building up small company as a hobby, by importing agriculture machinery from Europe. At that time my deliberation was also toward my Bachelor in Business studies from one of the top business institutions in Pakistan. The success of that practical and academic experience at same time gave me a great courage and self confidence in business environment. My hobby became my passion when my peers and coworkers revealed that I had made significant contribution to my family business.

Then a challenging job offer from a multinational brand Coca-Cola gave me a wonderful opportunity to learn from “big think tanks” in Coke performing in hostile market. Getting an opportunity working with well known market leader in beverages was my first hand experience in corporate level. My performance and professionalism was highly admired by the management by awarding me the title of “employee of the year” in 2003. Our whole sales distributors were increased from 123 to 144 in just one year. This ultimately contributed 4.97% increase in annual sales.     I had an honor to be the youngest in the history of that unit who won the title. My creativity, leadership qualities and significant contribution to respond the market fluctuations timely, were key elements in the achievements of this Coke Award.

I felt myself as flying in the skies for this achievement. This reward not only gave me a great boost and encouragement to fulfill my self-esteem need but also to the thirst of knowledge. The words from my boss added oil to the flame, when he said there is always place empty at the “top”.  My childhood dream to become top executive can only be fulfilled if get further education, was revealed to me when my education became hurdle to further promotion in that Company. And to accomplish my dream to fill up the empty place at the top I determined to pursue higher education.

The best option in my opinion was to go abroad and get familiarity and exposure of international culture along with the studies. Therefore, I went to Netherlands and earned my Diploma in Human Resource and Quality Management from one of the prestigious institute in Netherlands. I have no words to explain my feelings when my course Coordinator over there recommended my name for a company which was looking for the Position of Human resource Manager. I have honor for being a pioneer in the establishment of Human Resource Department in the Smaak Group of Restaurants B.V Netherlands. It could be very ordinary for some people, but for a “Village Kid” belonging to a middle class family from a remote village with very limited resources, was infect incredible achievement. The key duties of jobs were to organize the Hierarchy of management and to provide a structure of internal communication among all the departments and all the chains. This was unexpectedly complex and hard to be done but its matter of great pleasure for me to say that I was amazingly admired by the employer for this success.

My restless nature inspired me once again by reminding the target of my life to be a significant asset of any business entity.  But this dream can only be true if I get my higher education along with the experience I already have. I think that by having an MBA degree from this university would really be an added advantage and would also create a spirit of dynamism and leadership qualities from my inner self. So for me MBA is a ladder to be at a position where I can display my vision and contribute at the level of my satisfaction. I believe that you will find, I exhibit intelligence, common sense, initiative, maturity, and stability, and that I am eager to make a positive contribution to your university. I want to enhance my skills and polish my abilities by joining the friendly environment and getting a bright vision from the most cultured and knowledgeable faculty of your university.

 This is all I have to say and again I would like to mention that I am desperate to be a part of this friendly and welcoming environment. My background and ambitions after graduating would make you to extend your sympathetic consideration to my appeal. I consider myself the best candidate you are looking for an MBA Program.

 

For more details I have enclosed my resume which will give you further information about me. I am desperately looking forward to seeing you in the interview and satisfy your queries. 

Sincerely,

sundarsukumar08  +  584823 Fri, 07 Nov 08 01:26 PM
Hey friends,, this is sundar from india..i am little bit of weak in english...can you prepare msc-bioinformatics covering letter for me..???
Joined on Fri, Nov 7 2008
New Member 01
Anhbouq  +  626639 Tue, 30 Dec 08 01:13 PM
Dear MH,
I have spent much time on reading your posts. And I hope that I can have some advice from you.
I am from Viet Nam. I am going to take a GMAT test in February. I dont go to any traing centers for the test. I dont know if you can help me with my writing? As I am not good at writing at all. Thank you in advance.
Bao Anh
Joined on Tue, Dec 30 2008
New Member 01
Anonymous, 102 days ago
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