This is a discussion thread · 10 replies
Have you ever considered marrying across cultures? Are you already married to someone from a different culture?
This link lists the top ten considerations before marrying cross culturally.
Do you agree?
Can you think of more?
Those are important points to consider. It's not easy to be in a cross-cultural relationship. Mind, I've never found the relationships with men from my own culture that easy either!
Hi nona the brit,
Mind, I've never found the relationships with men from my own culture that easy either!What about relationships with women from your own culture? Don't get me wrong: I'm just wondering whether cross-gender relationships are also cross-cultural ones.
I would have said the opposite. A relationship with someone the same gender is the same-culture.
Anyway, if you wish to discuss this please start a new thread and let's not take this one off the OP's point, thanks.
I have to laugh a little, because if you believe that "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus," then any relationship has the potential to be VERY cross cultural.
But before we go too off-topic, as Nona has pointed out, I think it's interesting to note that "cross-cultural" can be on a lot of different levels. Thirty years ago in the U.S., a Jewish-Christian marriage of people in the same town of the same socio-economic status, who went to the same school and knew the same people, could be considered a huge problem. That would be have been considered cross-cultural.
So there are the huge issues - living in a different country than the one you were raised in, and learning a new language, etc. But there are also the smaller issues that do affect your life on a day-to-day basis when the "cultures" shouldn't seem that different. Stories like a fundamentalist Christian sister who tells you every time she sees you that she continues to pray for the soul of your "heathen Jew" husband, even though she's known his family her whole life. And inter-racial marriages are still subjected to extra scrutiny.
I think it takes extra energy because someone is always looking at you harder than than they do a homogenous couple. And even if you don't really care what other people think, it can be wearying.
I'm English and have been married to a Dutch guy for the last 19 years. To, e.g. a non-European, this may not seem like a very cross cultural marriage, but, believe me, there are some deep cultural differences between the Dutch and the English! However, these differences, especially in terms of how we communicate, only give us more opportunities to exercise love, trust and respect. (Communication presents a challenge in any marriage!!)
Thanks for the link Gaijin. One thing I would add to that list is language (though it is mentioned in no. 6 with reference to the children). In which language are you going to speak to each other? Is this acceptable to both?
BTW, Ann, my brother's wife is Dutch. They live in Canada. (I asked if their daughter was bilingual and he said "Yes, the nanny speaks to her in Spanish.") They speak English at home and keep Dutch as their "secret language." It lets them, for example, have one ask the other "Do you want to go out for ice cream?" and be able to say "No, not tonight" without having a daughter jumping up and down saying "Yes yes yes! Let's go for ice cream" because she doesn't know what they said. I can see advantages in that. Once your kids learn to spell, "parent secret language" is no longer an option in a single-language household!
Hey, Im in a relationship with a Macedonian guy and Im english. We're both in the place of making decisions about our future and both would like to get married. He has been refused a UK visa so we're debating appealing but also me moving to Macedonia. I wondered if you had any advice about how to make a cross culture relationship work? Is it just that you have to communicate more? How have you found it? Thank you
There was someone from another country, another culture and traditions asked me for marriage. Although I considered him the perfect partner for me, the disadvantages will be more than advantages, so I apologized for him after that and told him that he deserved to have a peaceful comfortable marriage from someone near to him instead of chasing after me. I read the ten top considerations of cross culture marriages and I agree with. My reasons for not accepting to have this kind of marriage are: my family is a restricted one, I mean there are no girls who have relationships with men before marriage, my family chooses the man after knowing his family, his morals, his financial status, and his behaviors. In my country there are strict rules if a woman married a man from another country, her rights will be less than those who married from their own country. Another reason, my family will not accept that I live outside my country especially that I’m a girl; although my brother lives with his wife in an apartment in the same country but my mother feels longing to him and feels sad if he didn’t call her or visit her for more than a week, so how about if I married to someone and lived outside my country for years!!! Around my family, there are no girls who married from someone of other country; however, there are men who married any type of girl of any country. For me, I don’t have any objecting of marrying men of another culture but these obstacles that I described will be difficult to cross by without solving it. Also, in my country, children follow their dad’s country, e.g. if he is from certain country, his children will be from that country.
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