Devastation finale

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New2grammar

#543393 Sat, 19 Jul 08 04:18 AM

Without wasting much time, I moved on with my assignment, taking pictures of destroyed homes, survivors and the seriously hit delta. When night fell, we slipped out of the area, leaving them behind, hungry and wondering what their future would be. Hopefully, this story will show to the world how inhumane the regime is and bring some changes to the victims.

Are there any mistakes?
Thanks.

New2grammar

Joined on Tue, Nov 21 2006

Veteran Member (7,670)

Who wants to go sailing around the world with me?

DELTA

Mr Wordy

#543537 Sat, 19 Jul 08 02:43 PM

Just a couple of suggestions:

I prefer "badly" to "seriously" here.

"Them" in the second sentence seems slightly awkward to me because when I hit it I'm not sure which of "homes", "survivors", or "homes + survivors + delta" it might refer to. It becomes clear that it must mean survivors, but by that time I've already formed an image of homes possibly being left hungry and wondering.

Mr Wordy

Joined on Tue, May 27 2008

Regular Member (960)

Native British English speaker

DELTA

Philip

#543551 Sat, 19 Jul 08 04:01 PM

One addition to Mr. Wordy: you've changed subject within the short paragraph (from I to we), which may or may not make a difference, depending on what has come before.

Philip

Joined on Thu, Jun 23 2005

USA Pacific Northwest (Seattle)

Veteran Member (6,181)

At reise er at leve! - H. C. Andersen

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