This section is on determining if an -ing word is a gerund or a participle. One clear difference between a gerund and a participle is that the gerund has a subject (a participle does not), and this subject should be expressed in the possessive case.

I dislike my best friend('s) violating my privacy. 

Unfortunately, if the verbal form is passive, the  object becomes the subject, which poses some difficulties for this grammarian.

 I dislike my privacy being violated by my friend.

He argues the structure (freind violating) can be read as a participle fused with the noun (this is the fused-participle theory)  the-violation-by-a-friend.

He then goes on to argue the this fused participle theory versus the gerund theory. 

Then he makes some statements of his opinion on the topic. In preparation, he states  1) The decision cannot be taken from historical analysis, since both forms may have been developed and used. 2) Careful writers avoid the "fused participle", so there are no examples to be found of this construction, and slovenly writers ignore the problem and make grammatical mistakes.

 etc. etc. etc.

http://www.bartleby.com/116/212.html

American Heritage® Book of English Usage. 1996.
With a detailed look at grammar, style, diction, word formation, gender, social groups and scientific forms, this valuable reference work is ideal for students, writers, academicians and anybody concerned about proper writing style.
 
The Columbia Guide to Standard American English. 1993.
This most extensive handbook of the language ever published features over 6,500 descriptive and prescriptive entires with 4,300 hyperlinked cross-references.
 
Strunk, William, Jr. 1918. The Elements of Style.
Believing that one must first know the rules to break them, this classic reference book is a must-have for any student or writer.
 
Fowler, H. W. 1908. The King’s English, 2nd ed.
This reference work has remained a standard resource—serving generations of students and writers with commonsense rules of style and grammar.

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I use Strunk a lot - it's very concise and good reading - I'm surprised to find that it is not much newer than Fowler. 

Fowler is the most erudite work on classical grammar with many examples and arguments.  The others are more in the style of the encyclopedia.