Log-in for no ads
 English?13 replies 1 2 I need this to be corrected before tomorrow Please help me! This is my essay assignment and it's very important for me I need this to be a good essay. I spent days to finish writing this essay. Can someone please correct this essay for me? I speak English as a second language so I know there might be many grammar mistakes. Thank you very much. Culture Shock! I remember when I first arrived to the United States, my family and I was sitting all together and staring at almost everything what they've got in the airport. For examples, many people were walking with their suitcases and different people were speaking different languages and some people were eating giant foods. I've named them giant foods because at that time, I didn't know what those foods were called. Everything is great and fabulous for me. I love U.S.A. and I'm was very excited knowing that I'm in the United States now. When I was in Thailand, I've only saw the airplanes sometimes and I would always waved the airplane whenever they were flying in the sky. I can't even imagined that I flied to the America with the huge airplane. I felt as it's just fantasy but reality keep woke me up. At that moment, everything seems just perfect and I felt like that I'm the luckiest person in this whole wide world! The day after I arrived to the United States, I wanted to go outside and find out about my neighbourhood or how the America really is, so my dad and I went to take for a walk. I was horrify when I barely saw people were walking in our apartments. The apartment was very quite it seems like no one even lives here. When I was in Thailand there were people always walking on the streets. After few minutes, luckily I found the playground which was near by my house. I felt better seeing kids were playing, some adults were talking with each other and some were playing basketballs, but then suddenly I was shocked when I saw a black man was standing with his pants down. I thought he didn't know how his pants were felling down,so I was just wondering to go up to him and let him know about it but then, when I think attentively, it might be very ashame because I don't know the language, so I decided not to let him know. to be honest, I did feel bad for that, I truly am. After few days living in this America, I just wanted to go back to Thailand. Thailand, a place that I used to live about 10 years since I was young or a place that people speak Burmese. At home almost everyone was very quiet and obviously being homesick. Misunderstanding the language is just so hard for us to survive in America or to communicate with others and also the unfamiliar foods that we never knew it exit or what inside in it. Plus, using the electricity for the first time was hard too. The weather is different too. Even if we got the mail from the post office. We have no idea what was saying on the letter. At that minute I started to think how the America was bad and didn't turn out good as we expected. I completely feel like I just don't belong here. I miss my grandparents and relatives and friends so much. Almost every night I wish and prayed to God to let me go back to Thailand as soon as possible, but deep inside I know that it's impossible. I have to admit that I've cried more than twice knowing that I have to live more days in America. first day of school was very embarrassing and shockable. The fact that I have to change classes for each periods or have no idea how to get the school lunch.The two stories that stick with me the most was, when my first period English teacher told me several times to go to the next period when the first period bell rang, I thought she was saying something else, so I kept shaking my head and said No, so the classmates were started laughing out loud.To be honest, I felt so stupid in front of those students.The other one was, when I was in the school bus with the elementary kids! I was shock and amazed and was wondering about why I was the only 14 years old student between the elementary kids. That's when I know that something is wrong. Of course I was lost at the elementary school, I've remember tears were in my eyes and I'm about to cry. Thank God one lady saw me that I was the only person walking when the other students were in the classrooms, so she took me to the office and finally, they send me back to my school. I think that was pretty embarrassing. I've also remember how I was using the faculty restroom at my More Land Middle School. After I used the bathroom, some teachers took me outside and told me not to use this bathroom again! I was pretty scared and ashamed. Fortunately, once we know how to speak English pretty well and understand about the American culture or once we made friends and know about the technology. America is just perfect! As much as we hate it at first, but now we totally in love with the America.I still want to go back to Thailand just for a visit, not to live there for the rest of my life because I know there are more steps that I need to step up for to reach my goal. Since neither my father nor my mother were not able to graduated from college, so had to work very laborious jobs. I know they will never want me to go through what they did. I'm very glad that how my family still celebrate our own culture celebration even though we are facing another totally different culture. The most important part was not forgetting our own language, which is Burmese. I know my English is not perfect, but being able to communicate with others in English was one of the greatest accomplishments for my life. I have to admit that the scary moments that we had before are just a joke for us now. Sometimes I would laugh out loud when I think about those embarrassing moments.  New Member29 Hi! You have worked hard on your essay. English is difficult and you are doing well. We don't normally put an -s on "food". When you have helping verbs like "can" and "would" use the present verb - do not use the past form with -ed. You need to practice the verb forms, and be consistent in using present or past tense. Here are some changes for your first two paragraphs: I remember when I first arrived in The day after I arrived in This is a very nice essay, Rabe! I have underlined some of your problems and struck out some unnecessary words. They are mostly about two points: (1 ) don't use contractions when writing essays (don't => do not) and be sure all the verbs in your narrative of earlier times are past tense ('seems' => 'seemed'). Culture Shock! I remember when I first arrived to the United States, my family and I was sitting all together and staring at almost everything what they've got in the airport. For examples, many people were walking with their suitcases and different people were speaking different languages and some people were eating 'giant foods'. I've named them giant foods because at that time, I didn't know what those foods were called. Everything is great and fabulous for me. I love U.S.A. and I'm was very excited knowing that I'm in the United States now. When I was in Thailand, I've only saw The day after I arrived to the United States, I wanted to go outside and find out about my neighbourhood or how After few days living in this America, I just wanted to go back to Thailand. Thailand, a place that I used to live about 10 years since I was young or a place that people speak Burmese. At home almost everyone was very quiet and obviously first day of school was very embarrassing and shockable. The fact that I have to change classes for each periods or have no idea how to get the school lunch.The two stories that stick with me the most was, when my first period English teacher told me several times to go to the next period when the first period bell rang, I thought she was saying something else, so I kept shaking my head and said No, so the classmates Fortunately, once we know how to speak English pretty well and understand about Anonymous: Can you please fix it for me?like retype correctly everything again? because I know what you underline was wrong but I don't know how to fix them I speak English as a second language and I have to turn it in tomorrow Can you do me that favor please and pleasee???Thank you so much for your help I really appreciate it This is your essay, not ours, and you are being graded on your English ability, Rabe. You should fix what you can and then turn it in to your teacher.    Hi Rabe, Congratulations on the great accomplishment of learning English.  You're doing very well and we're happy to have you in America!  Please ask any specific questions you have. It can be difficult to be a child in an adult world, especially in a new country. Your story is inspiring, and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you! Tips: Make sure to use the past tense when describing past things. The United States, the U.S.A. but just America (no the) Sometimes shorter sentences can be easier to manage. Full Member484  Shawn! You just made my day by saying that you enjoyed reading my essay!! I am so happy now, but I feel like my last sentence has many mistakes and I don't know how to fix them =( for the giant food part do I have to add this? "giant food" or giant food? Do I have to add that quotation marks? Can you please check my last two paragraphs for me? Thank you so much for your help I really appreciate it Show more
| Have a question? People are waiting to help. Interesting stuff |
All RSS Feeds
Online chat is available