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Latest post Wed, Jan 12 2005 6:10 AM by paddy. 3 replies.
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paddy  +  67192 Wed, 12 Jan 05 06:10 AM
Hi All,

English is not my first language and I am still learning it. Here is my first poetry, I wrote with the little english I know. Please ignore grammatical errors and please do comment

Thanks,
Pradeep

*****-----*****
Angels were artists
Trees were brushes
Flowers were colors
Sky was canvas
My Girl?.
A perfect woman
Crafted nobly by the nature

Her Body
Like?
An Idol of Aphrodite
Made by the almighty
My Girl?.
A perfect woman

Her Skin
Like?
Velvety fabrics
With a moonbeam touch
My Girl?.
A perfect woman

Her hairs
Like?
Dark black clouds
Floating in the sky
My Girl?.
A perfect woman

Her lips
Like?
Red rose petals
Jelling together
My Girl?.
A perfect woman

Her Clothes
Like?
A creeper takes hold
On a stem
My Girl?.
A perfect woman

Her laughter
Like?
Hundreds of songbirds
Singing together
My Girl?.
A perfect woman

Her Walk
Like?
A female serpent moving slowly
In the sand
My Girl?.
A perfect woman

Angels were artists
Trees were brushes
Flowers were colors
Sky was canvas
My Girl?.
A perfect woman
Crafted nobly by the nature

*****-----*****

Joined on Tue, Mar 16 2004
New Member 34
"A load of books is not equal to one good teacher, and my teacher is Mister Micawber" "A father is a little bit of a mother" "Life is the art of...
hermitlady  +  67243 Wed, 12 Jan 05 12:03 PM
english is not my native language too. and i understand your poem little. in my opinion , it is very good.
i think i should study from you.
Joined on Sat, Jan 8 2005
New Member 10
anita_a, 5 yr 65 days ago
As a first poem in English ,it is very good. Keep writing more.
HePo  +  67465 Thu, 13 Jan 05 06:33 PM
Poetry is the easiest of the literary skills to write - and by far the most difficult to master.

If you have a desire to improve your English, reading and analysing poetry is the way to go. You'll be amazed how quickly your English improves.

As to your poem. In my opinion a lot more work is needed here. The Imagination and imagery is fine but in such abundance as to wear the reader down. Reduce the versus.

HePo
Joined on Thu, Jan 6 2005
UK, England, Leicestershire.
New Member 14
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