Englsh Composition Revising Sentences(College Level)

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Hi,

I need help with an assignment that my professor wanted me to do I hope that you all can help me.

It says rewrite the following sentences replacing the jargon and cloudy language with clear percisewords and phrases.

I am only going to ask you about two of the ten sentences that he wants me to rewrte.

1. To maintain a state of high-level wellness, one should use a wooden interdental stimulator at least once a day and avoid spending time at fake-bake salons.

2. According to the military, one should not attempt a predawn vertical insertion without an aerodynamic personnel decelerator because it could lead to sudden deceleration trauma upon landing.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

monchichie
New Member01
well if I 'translate' the jargon for you, will you be able to have a go yourself?

wooden interdental stimulator - a toothpick.

fake-bake salons - tanning salons.

2 - I have no idea what they are talking about with 'predawn vertical insertion'

decelerator - possibly a brake?
Veteran Member11,782
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Vertical insertion => a Coast Guard maneuver that involves sliding down a rope from a hovering helicopter on to a moving ship deck. Vertical insertion is used by boarding teams to deploy from a helicopter to the deck of a ship by sliding down a rope.

To prevent injuries, members are trained to control their descent by learning how to break with their boots and not with their hands. They must know how to control their feet and grip the rope with their boots.

1. To maintain a state of high-level wellness, one should use a wooden interdental stimulator at least once a day and avoid spending time at fake-bake salons. => To be healthy, one should use a tooth pick at least once a day, and avoid tanning salons.

2. According to the military, one should not attempt a predawn vertical insertion without an aerodynamic personnel decelerator because it could lead to sudden deceleration trauma upon landing. => According to the military, one should not try to slide down a rope hanging from a helicopter onto a ship deck early in the morning without breaking with his boots as that could lead to sudden injuries upon landing.
Full Member330
Hi,

2. According to the military, one should not attempt a predawn vertical insertion without an aerodynamic personnel decelerator because it could lead to sudden deceleration trauma upon landing.

When I read these words, I see them as suggesting bad things may happen if you try a night-time parachute jump without a parachute.

I'll try to remember that.

Best wishes, Clive
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It cannot be a parachute jump because there is not enough vertical distance between a hovering helicopter and the ship deck below.
Hi again,

I was trying to interpret the original sentence, which says nothing about ships or helicopters.

I'd also suggest that the phrase 'an aerodynamic personnel decelerator' suggests an object rather than a technique. Thus, a parachute.

Finally, I don't think it likely that the questioner's English teacher is expecting his students to have a detailed knowledge of Coast Guard rescue techniques.

Best wishes, Clive
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"It says rewrite the following sentences replacing the jargon and cloudy language with clear precise words and phrases."

Even though this seems to be an English assignment, the professor did ask the student to replace the jargon and cloudy language. Vertical insertion is a jargon. Therefore, to understand the rest of the passage, a student must know what vertical insertion is. Otherwise, it will be difficult to make sense of the sentence that follows.

Vertical insertion, as it turns out, is a military jargon referring to a particular maneuver by Coast Guard members to board a moving ship at sea. Vertical insertion is a military euphemism for the action of sliding down a hanging rope from a helicopter. It has nothing to do with parachute jumping. This is precisely why the professor wanted the student to clarify the jargon. Otherwise, the rest of the passage could be easily misunderstood. All of the fancy words for aerodynamic personnel decelerator, another jargon, refer to none other than the boots that a Coast Guard would use to grip the rope with and slow down the pace of sliding.
Hi,

I know that the Coast Guard use the term 'vertical insertion'. However, it certainly is also used in the way that I have suggested.

I got these definitions from a site maintained by David Rowan, a journalist interested in jargon and euphemisms. [Taken from A Glossary for the Nineties, by David Rowan (Prion Books, 1998), based on the column of that name in The Guardian's Weekend magazine through most of the 1990s. © David Rowan]
http://www.davidrowan.com/1998/01/glossary-for-nineties-chapter-11.html

PRE-DAWN VERTICAL INSERTION n. euph. An airborne invasion of a foreign state - as coined by the US Pentagon when it dropped soldiers into Grenada.


AERODYNAMIC PERSONNEL DECELERATOR n. A parachute, in the latest example of US military gobbledegook. Also beware a vertically deployed anti-personnel device, which might just look like a bomb.

I'm sure it's good for Monchichie to get the benefit of reading different opinions about his/her question.

Perhaps he can let us know, later, what his teacher had to say about this.

Best wishes again, Clive
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That’s a very informative web site. If predawn vertical insertion is meant to describe an airborne invasion, then the aerodynamic personnel decelerator would certainly mean a parachute.

It was certainly a nice euphemism cooked up by the Pentagon to borrow the idea of vertical insertion, a regular maneuver by the Coast Guard, to describe graphically the type of maneuver needed for a successful airborne invasion.
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