First time writing a motivational letter....HELP!!!!!!

Hi,

It's OK for you to submit this letter to a Belgian university in English?

Please read carefully to pick up my small suggestions, eg commas.

===========

My best wishes for good luck with this, from one Canadian to another.

Clive

Just wanted to post my newly revised letter of motivation and see if I could get any more feedback.  Thanks once again.

===============

Dear Sir: 

      I wish to apply as a transfer student to the bachelor program offered at University College Maastricht.  I am currently on a sabbatical from my studies as I have just moved back to Belgium from Canada, this past May 2005.  I was born in Belgium but as I have resided in Canada my entire life, I do hold a dual citizenship.  After having one year to reflect, I am extremely eager to rejoin the academic community and continue my educational career in pursuit of my bachelor degree. 

      Previously in Canada, I spent two years, from September 2003 until September 2005, studying towards a Bachelor of Health Sciences at the University of William.  Due to unforeseen circumstances, my family made the decision to move back to Belgium and as a result my studies were temporarily suspended.  During this past year I have strived to adapt to the major differences in lifestyle and culture, and foremost to embrace these changes.  I have spent the vast majority of this year in school, full-time, to learn the native language here, Dutch. 

      The aspect which most attracts me towards the University College Maastricht is the unique opportunity of being able to freely choose which courses I would like take.  This method of studying is unheard of in Canada.  During the course of my previous two years of university, I felt I was trapped in my program of choice from the first day.  For all my years of university, my course schedule was completely accounted for, with minimal room for modification.  Furthermore, with classes reaching sizes of up to 700 or more students, I felt more like a number then an individual.  My academic needs were not being met.  This is a major factor in my decision to apply to University College Maastricht.

      During my high-school career, I opted to join a co-op placement program and was chosen for a position in the Intensive Care Unit in Matthew University Hospital, in Canada.  It was during the 5 months which I spent in this placement that I discovered my interest in the field of medicine.  Although it has always been science, in particular biology, which has primarily appealed to me, I am not yet ready to confine myself to this one subject.  It is not only the scientific aspect of medicine that interests me, but also the various other aspects of healthcare as well.  I mean those disciplines which are directly related to the field of medicine, but which are typically not foremost in people's minds.  For example, those laws and ethical boundaries governing every decision a doctor makes or the components that are necessary in order for a hospital to function as a fully integrated team, from the hospital administration to front-line care.  I am also extremely interested in researching the different models of health care such as the biomedical, socio-environmental, and economical models, all of which and they way in which they interact to directly influence the health of one community, city, or even entire nation.  I believe this type of knowledge is vital if we expect to continuously improve our level of healthcare; not only for our country, but for those third world countries with no access to much-needed medical intervention.  I expect my university education to allow me to focus on my one core subject of choice while simultaneously giving me the freedom to study from subjects outside of that particular field.  I believe it more important to receive a fully-rounded education for my bachelor degree as opposed to something which will limit my future choices.  I believe I will be able to receive this type of education within the University College Maastricht.

      As for future goals, I am fully intent on pursuing a master's degree in a field more specific to my career after finishing my bachelor program.  I am considering branching into the field of forensic sciences, or going in the other direction and researching the ethics of health-care.  With the solid foundation I will receive from the bachelor program at the University College Maastricht, I am confident that I will be able to expand my educational horizons and take a successful first step onto the road of life-long education that awaits me. 

Thank you very much for you time and consideration.  I am eagerly awaiting your positive response. 

Sincerely,