the sun was glittering in the blue sky just like a diamond

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Angliholic  #498552  Wed, 09 Apr 08 04:05 PM

It was a warm afternoon; the sun was glittering in the blue sky just like a diamond. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. And surprisingly, everything became different at that moment. I felt myself released from a heart prison and a powerful energy just ran into my mind. I was rebirth, and ready for the coming up challenges.

 

Hi,

Is it better to rewrite the bolded parts as "the sun was shining in the blue sky like a ball of fire" and "I felt I was released from my prison of heart, and then my heart was filled again with powerful energy. I was reborn, and I'm ready for the upcoming challenges?" Thanks.

  
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Without true love, life is meaningless and worthless since our physical world is nothing but a dream. ~~Angliholic~~簡瑞達
Philip  #498554  Wed, 09 Apr 08 04:09 PM
The rewrite is far better.  I do have a problem with "prison of heart", however.  I understand that the person may be feeling low, but I think it can be expressed better.   I'll let those with more poetic talents try to help you out.
  
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