Grammar

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Spring

#59377 Sun, 05 Dec 04 02:25 AM

Dear Teachers, could you please check my sentences for grammar and word choice?

Your eyes’ never fading radiant smile exhausts my exhaustion and floods my every new day with sunshine.

Without your help I would sink like a huge rock in a vast ocean; with your help I am unsinkable.

Thank you for being a wonderful friend. I hope your Christmas holiday brims over with joyousness.

Thank you very much for your generous help!!

Spring

Spring

Joined on Sun, Nov 21 2004

Junior Member (84)

Grammar

Mister Micawber

#59379 Sun, 05 Dec 04 02:44 AM

'The constant, radiant smile of your eyes energizes me, and floods every new day with sunshine. Without your help I would sink like a rock in the ocean, but with your help I am unsinkable. Thank you for being a wonderful friend. I hope your Christmas holiday brims over with joy.'

This is a bit overdone unless you are writing to your boyfriend, Spring.

Mister Micawber

Joined on Wed, Aug 4 2004

Yokohama

Veteran Member (21,217)

'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master-- that's all.'

Teacher Eric

#59384 Sun, 05 Dec 04 02:58 AM

Now I know exactly what to write my girl! Smile [:)]

Teacher Eric

Joined on Mon, Aug 16 2004

Full Member (171)

Manila-based ESL/ESP teacher with a TESOL. Hoping to get a "Pass" in the DELTA.

CalifJim

#59396 Sun, 05 Dec 04 04:39 AM

Isn't this what we might call positively purple prose?

CalifJim

Joined on Mon, Aug 2 2004

California

Veteran Member (16,964)

"There are no facts, only interpretations" - Nietzsche

Spring

#59507 Sun, 05 Dec 04 06:36 PM

Why would you call it "purple prose"? What does it mean?

Spring

Spring

#59516 Sun, 05 Dec 04 07:22 PM

Mister Micawber thank you for revising my sentences. I changed the first sentence a little bit for I did not like the words "constant" and "energizis".

Your eyes' never fading smile dissipates my fatigue and unfailingly floods our working environment with sunshine. (I truly draw so much energy from this person's optimistic and energetic nature. No relationship exists between us.)

For some reason I like better "your eyes' ....." than ".........of your eyes". Does my version sound awkward?

Also, I would like to know why you got rid of semicolon in the second sentence and instead used ", but"-I'm just curious.

Thank you
Spring

Spring

Colons, Semicolons

CalifJim

#59541 Mon, 06 Dec 04 01:21 AM

I exaggerate, of course.

Purple prose is overly dramatic and emotional writing full of ornate or flowery language.

CalifJim