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grammar check and restructuring words - urgent letter for employment

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vincent tee  #164125  Tue, 29 Nov 05 09:09 AM

Hello Teachers, could someone please kindly ammend my grammar and restructure those words which I've wrongly applied. Thanks.

Hi Hansi,

The attached is my updated resume.

The reason why this letter was written is because I wish that you could kindly give me a helping hand to bring forth the interview between both of us to have further knowing about my skills set and knowing who I am in person.

I’m currently working at Intel Cyberjaya and since Intel is a good firm to work for and hold good reputation of an employee, I would like you to know why I’m changing my present job.  The circumstances I’m facing:

Firstly, I’m a contractor at Intel and will be having a slim chance to be converted to a permanent position as Intel head count had freeze. Meaning there is a possibility they might not be hiring anymore permanent employees. Therefore it is utterly insecure for my forthcoming future as my contract period is approaching to an end. Secondly, I would like to turn my dream into a reality because Singapore is the place where I wanted to live & work since young. I hope you will help me on this opportunity.

The current [People Development & Training] team that I’m in, it consists of Project Manager, Instructional Designers and the Developers. – I might be a little short of ISD’s skills set as development is my present position; however certainly no doubt that it could be mastered instantly as I’m playing part of the Instructional Designer role at Intel , assisting the IDs and am working closely with them.

I’ve the enthusiasm & passion for success – also I believe am able to handle the job as per your requirements and lead your company to success. Personally, I'm a self-motivated individual and constantly boost up my esteem/value by reading self help books from inspiring motivational gurus, for example: Anthony Robbins, Dale Carnegie, Stephen Convey, etc.

If you could make the interview happen, I would like you to view some of the examples of e-learning & training materials that I’ve developed. Salary is totally negotiable. Please consider my opportunity to work with you.

Thank You

 

  
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Anonymous  #164158  Tue, 29 Nov 05 10:42 AM

I am writing You this letter in hope of arranging a job interview.

I’m currently employed at Intel Cyberjaya, a good company with a good reputation. Therefore I would like to explain why I would like to change my present job.

I’m a contractor at Intel and I have a slim chance to obtain a permanent position as Intel head count had frozen. In other words there is a possibility that they might not hire any permanent employee. Since my contract period is approaching to an end my  forthcoming futureis utterly insecure. Secondly, I wanted to live & work in Singapore for a long time and I would like to turn my dream into a reality. I hope you could help me on this opportunity.

The current [People Development & Training] team that I’m in, consists of Project Manager, Instructional Designers and the Developers. I might be a little short of ISD’s skills set as development is my present position, however I have no doubt in my mind  that it could be mastered as I’m playing part of the Instructional Designer role at Intel , assisting the IDs and am working closely with them.

I’ve the enthusiasm & passion for success. I also believe that I am capable to handle the job as per your requirements and lead Your company to success. Personally, I'm a self-motivated individual and I find inspiration in self help books from inspiring motivational gurus, for example: Anthony Robbins, Dale Carnegie, Stephen Convey, etc.

I have developed some examples of e-learning & training materials  which I would be happy to show You. I would like to emphasise that the issue of salary is negotiable.

I look forwdard to hearing from You.

Kind regards

  
Anonymous  #264293  Fri, 08 Sep 06 06:42 PM

"Secondly, I wanted to live & work in Singapore for a long time and I would like to turn my dream into a reality. I hope you could help me on this opportunity." - this sounds like abit begging to me. Maybe can change it to something like "Singapore has always be my dream place to work and I would be very pleased if I have the chance to work in such a clean, safe and challenging environment."

The other thing is to better emphasize/elaborate more on your skillsets available and how it can be contributed to the job. The explanation on why you decided to find a new job sounds a bit lengthly to me.

  
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