Hi, (1) Four or five months before he left Quiet Riot, Randy brought pictures and petitioned custom guitar maker Grover Jackson to make him an instrument.
Is punctuation or word missing between the bold words? Please advise.
(2) Impressed with Santana’s talent, Graham took the band under his wing and began booking them as support to the many big name acts that played at his venue, the Fillmore West auditorium. This turn of events offered/displayed/suggested some degree of irony.
The second part of sentence is not clear. Please rephrase for clarity of thought.
(3) The volume and power of the Pirates led the Detours to pursue new equipment. Unfortunately, they were broke. Daltry actually made the initial guitars for the band, and the band made their speaker cabinets.
Is the gramamr "they were broke" ok? Please clarify. It's correct grammar, but the whole phrase is informal. 'Were broke' is slang for 'had no money'.
(4) He was also the first important guitarist to be a significant composer as well. His ability to combine salient lyrical work with blistering guitar playing had, up to the time he showed up on the London scene, been non-existent.
Should it be combined? Please check.
(5) The events led to another search for a front man. This time they turned by up Gary Cherone, formerly of hugely popular Boston band Extreme.
'They turned up Gary' is slang for 'they found Gary'.
Is the grammar (bolded) ok in the above sentence?
(6) In the late 1960s, the first wave of blues rock and British blues, powered through the States, but had long ago run its course. Stevie Ray rekindled that genre by channeling Hendrix, playing loud, and charging his guitar solos with rock and roll fury. Just as the blues had been on the brink of extinction, Stevie Ray to the rescue.
Should it be came to the rescue? Yes
(7) Jimmie was the early pride of the family. He'd shown the ability to hear a tune and pick it up quickly on guitar. Martha and father Jim didn’t pay all that much attention to Stevie, though Stevie was paying close attention to what Jimmie was doing. She did see though, when the Vaughans tucked their boys in at night, they were both sleeping with their guitars.
Though.. seems to be imcomplete sentence. Kindly rephrase.
(8) Authorities arrested Shannon and one of the conditions of his probation was to cease employment with Krackerjack. Case closed. Stevie didn’t get arrested, but he did delve deeply into drugs from that point on.
Is the grammar didn't arrested correct? Please advise.
(9) Backstage after the set, the band devastated, they ended up meeting two musicians that would take that disappointment in turn it into triumph: David Bowie and Jackson Browne.
Should it be and turn it into? Yes
Clive