Grammar Suggestion

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Cute572

#529310 Wed, 18 Jun 08 07:49 PM

Hello Goodman its seemed you haven't suggested any thing in my paragraph suggestion post. I think its that bad paragraph. But i m submitting it anyways as i don't have much time and i don't know what should i include there more to make it ok paragraph. Anyways

Thanks for your help in this post Smile

Cute572

Joined on Mon, Apr 28 2008

Full Member (211)

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Grammar, Paragraphs

Goodman

#529324 Wed, 18 Jun 08 08:36 PM

2. Today, in these natural colors (what are ”these colors” referring to?), coming through the opened window, adjusted over the high blue wall; I feel much relaxed -- light as fur, dark clould clouds of stress seems to be fading away.

3.An egg shaped wooden silver-brown frame hanged by a thick brown thread over the nail, waged at upper right wall (??) , quietly posturing the childhood golden days. ??

Hi Cute,

You are asking for suggests but I am not sure what I am about to suggest meets your criteria. If these two are the paragraphs you referred to, there is quite a bit of work to do.
I marked them up so that you can see. I am not sure what benefit it may yield for me to spend the next 30 minute to explain and revise the two “fragmented ‘paragraphs
which is what they are. #3 has too many adjectives and there seems to be no verbs to form a grammatical sentence. I think what you focus on strengthening your
ability to form sound sentence structures first. Without a solid sentence foundation, it will always be tough to write descriptively. I am sorry to sound discouraging
but this is the painful truth I can’t sugar-coat for you.

Goodman

Joined on Mon, Nov 7 2005

Calif. USA

Senior Member (3,191)

The name says it all!

Grammar, Verbs, Sentence structures, Paragraphs

Cute572

#529335 Wed, 18 Jun 08 09:58 PM

First of all don't sugar-coat anything for me i know my sentences need much revisions. Secondly, I m sorry to make my point more clearer to you. These sentences i have been working and completed as well. I was saying MY OTHER THREAD named "PARAGRAPH SUGGESTIONS" there i have written one paragraph with lots of mistakes and i need guidence. Mr.Mister Micawber had pointed out many but i don't know where to start and i mean i wrote that paragraph after spending days and i m so confused. Not saying to rephrase all paragraph but just something to help me to improve or to start. A machine can't feel anything and how can I write about feelings in it. Do suggest me !

Thanks for replying Smile

Cute572

Grammar, Paragraphs

Goodman

#529346 Wed, 18 Jun 08 10:47 PM

Hi Cute,

It’s normal to feel frustrated and confused, after all learning another language is much harder than learning a hobby but it’s also important to recognize our own weaknesses and try to find ways to strengthen them. I don’t know how long you have been studying English but I can definitely see a strong desire to improve what you already learned. I may be wrong saying this but my philosophy is this. We can't produce success over night no matter how much we want to. Success and fluency in English require time, time in reading and learning patterns and styles of other writers, and time to apply and refine, just like a barrel of smooth time-aged wine. In due time, the smoothness is to be appreciated, tasted, savored, and enjoyed. But no barrel shall be opened before its time, for time is of the essence. Using myself as an example, I know I will never achieve the mastery of a writer but I am still trying, one line at a time. If I can help you in your efforts, I will. As I had mentioned earlier, a strong sentence structure is the foundation for good writing. That’s my sincere advice to you.

Goodman

Grammar, Sentence structures

Cute572

#529351 Wed, 18 Jun 08 11:09 PM

Hello Mr. Goodman,

You are right about improvement with time. But unfortunately i never written a paragraph as the medium in which i study never taught me to discover things to write for your own. Any how, like you said its not one night education. But i have to do it under pressure because time is what i don't have. Any ways thanks for your advise, and i would say same thing again to read my paragraph and just normally point the mistakes with some suggestions to correct it Smile

Sorry if i said something in a harsh manner. I m been under stress due to this whole new thing and time.

Thanks again for replying

Cute572

Grammar, Paragraphs

Goodman

#529354 Wed, 18 Jun 08 11:24 PM

<<>> I,m have been under stress due to this whole new thing and time.

Pardon me for my curiosity. Why are you under pressure with time?

<<>>and i would say same thing again to read my paragraph

I am still puzzled. Which paragraph? You need to be more specific. well..

Goodman

Grammar, Paragraphs

Cute572

#529367 Thu, 19 Jun 08 12:03 AM

The computer, the caretaker of my studies, lies over the flat table at the other side of my desk. Although it serves as a machine but in my weak spellings and grammar, it works like a life saver. Usually my long sentences and paragraph’s final revision is done by it. A heavy monitor is lying on the top with gray protected shield and some sack of books and a cd stand beside it. Just below I see my easy-to-press keyboard carrying the soft sound keys on it. Two audio speaker’s stands at each side of monitor like high trees surround the valley. The fast-pace mouse is firmly stays [verb is appropriate?] on the top of the black sponge pad, next to the keyboard. Down on the shelf stands the nerve center, the central control processing unit with its complicated integrated system. In front of table, I see a small frail stool resting on my bright carpet’s outer rim.

This Paragraph. As it carries much errors then i realised.

Completing my paragraph time.

Cute572

Grammar, Verbs, Paragraphs

Goodman

#529372 Thu, 19 Jun 08 01:26 AM

I don't know what else to say. I think you are trying too hard to dramatize your computer, too much effrot for little gain. I have commented enough already in my past posts. Still the same comment, keep you focus on fundamentals .....

Goodman

Grammar

Cute572

#529508 Thu, 19 Jun 08 10:07 AM

I Guess topic is Done.

Thanks

Cute572

Grammar, Metaphors

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