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Latest post Sun, Sep 21 2008 1:50 PM by Cool Breeze. 2 replies.
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bhikkhu1991  +  568604 Sun, 21 Sep 08 09:16 AM
Hello,


Could you please make some suggestions whether or not the following paragraphs are grammatical and make sense? I would like to correct my weaknesses of English.


I walked towards the bus shelter. Before it, I reached the outside of the railway station whose building resembles a cruise ship, its length parallel to the highway. Its passenger bridge is on a higher floor over two train tracks. These tracks pass through the centre of the building from the so-called bow to the so-called stern. The structure is still under construction; it will open to the public soon. On the left side of the bow, the bus stop is next to the railway lines.
 
Carefully, I trod on the stones with various shapes and sizes, mostly as large as chicken eggs, laid under the tracks as supports. After crossing the tracks, I reached the bus stop. I was slightly shocked to see its front was flooded. Half of the highway was covered with flashfloods, causing the heavy traffic to crawl towards the city. Fortunately, the water was shallow enough for the bus to pull up nearby. Then, I quickly waded into the water and boarded it.
 
I hope to hear from you soon.

Thank you.


With best wishes.
Joined on Mon, Mar 31 2008
Full Member 116
Inchoateknowledge  +  568616 Sun, 21 Sep 08 09:58 AM
I walked towards the bus shelter. Before it, I reached the outside of the railway station, whose building resembles a cruise ship, its length THE LENGTHWISE EDGE IS parallel to the highway. Its passenger bridge is on a higher floor over two train tracks. These tracks pass through the centre of the building from the so-called bow to the so-called stern. The structure is still under construction; it will BE open to the public soon. On the left side of the bow, the bus stop is next to the railway lines.
 
Carefully, I trod on the stones with OF various shapes and sizes, mostly as large as chicken eggs, laid under the tracks as supports. After crossing the tracks, I reached the bus stop. I was slightly shocked to see its front (was) flooded. Half of the highway was covered with flashfloods, causing the heavy traffic to crawl towards the city. Fortunately FORTUNATELLY, the water was shallow enough for the bus to pull up nearby. Then, I quickly waded into the water and boarded it.

Joined on Wed, May 3 2006
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Cool Breeze  +  568703 Sun, 21 Sep 08 01:50 PM
 You would benefit more if you wrote yourself what you post here. A skilful writer might produce the text you have posted even though there are a few points which some could deem less than satisfactory. For the sake of clarity, I would write the last sentence: Then, I quickly waded into the water and boarded the bus. It's impossible to board water.

Don't pay attention to Incho's corrections. For one thing, there's no such word as "fortunatelly". 

CB

Joined on Fri, Apr 7 2006
Senior Member 3,975
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