Can u guys help me to check on my errors? story on "Abused"

Well done, I knew you could do it .

Two errors crop up throughout your essay; you need to capitalise 'I' and you need a space after commas and full stops (periods). You have quite a few errors with mixed tenses and ungrammatical constructions but I'd hate to do your teacher out of a job. I have pointed out a few of the more easily fixed errors for you. Those in red are an inappropriate choice of word. Those in blue are spelling mistakes.

The sky turned grey,thick layers of clouds covered the rays of the majestic sun. It was going to rain. Tony and I decided to loiter around the nearby shopping centre,till the rain stops.

The shopping centre was three stories in height,half a football field in size.The wide variety of products sold,would keep us accompanied for hours,even when we are window shopping.Tony had been eyeing for this two hundred bucks for a month! I was planning to buy him as a surprise birthday gift this year end,to keep a memory of our 5 years friendship.

While Tony requested to hang a little longer in the bicycle store,I sat outside,thinking about the collection of the class fund for the Chinese New Year class decoration,which was about to come in two weeks time.A class of fourty students,each was expected to pay five bucks to the class chairperson,which destressingly turned out to be me.Shockingly,i looked at my watch,it was about six o'clock in the afternoon and it was still raining cats and dogs! I immediately informed Tony that I had to return home to wash the clothes,and then left Tony alone in the bicycle store.

Without the umbrella was a despondency,worst off all was the clothes my sister urged me to wash and dry,as she needs it for her job interview tomorrow.I stayed overnight in my drenched school uniform,still trying to dry my sister's clothes.Eventually,i fall sick on the next day,which I was supposed to collect the class fund in school.I dialled Tony and requested him to take over my duty of collecting the class fund,two hundred bucks. I placed all my trust in him,but things turned out to me wrong after being absent for two days in school.

Tony did not hand the money to our form teacher, or to me. Disappointed to found out that he had misused the class fund for his new bike. A few classmates and I apporached him ,we boycott him until he is willing to return the two hundred bucks.