Haunted House

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Below is a English Compo written by me in form 2. Please feel free to comment on it : )

You heard of a haunted house and you want to explore it alone. Describe how the haunted house looked, what you saw and the atmosphere.

It was an old theatre which was used to show movies. I had passed it once or twice in the past. People told us that it was shut down because a boy fell off the balcony and got killed one night when the movie “Dracula” was showing. It was haunted…

There was no name outside the door, and no cars parked nearby. I stopped and stood, looking at the building. It was tall and dark and covered in jagged grey stones. Lots of the windows were broken, and the door looked like a giant’s big mouth. I took a deep breath as my teeth started to chatter, and my knees started to jelly. Then I gazed up at the scary building again and gulped. It looked like the sort of place you saw in a horror movie, where lots of people go in but don’t come out. I started up the thirteen stone steps leading up to the door, each one cracked and covered with moss, and went in.

I found myself standing in a long, dark and cold corridor. I had my jacket on, but was shivering all the same. I was freezing.

I started to walk, the walls were scratched and scribbled-on, and bits of the ceiling were flaky. It was a creepy place. I found a door and pushed it open. It creaked loudly. I almost turned and ran. It sounded like the lid of a coffin being tugged open! I slowly stuck my head in and found that it was the stairs up to the balcony where the boy had fallen.

I nearly jumper out of my skin when someone lugged my shirt. I turned and looked down quickly. There stood the ugliest boy in the world. He was staring at me as I had shocked him. The ugly and creepy-looking boy was short and thin, with very white skin and had only a small crop of grey hair stuck on his head. He had tiny and bony hands and his eyes were so dark, as if they were two pieces of charcoal, instead of eyeballs in them. He had a large bloody scar running down his right cheek. It reaches to his lips and made it look like his mouth was stretching up the side of his face.

I wanted to rush out of the haunted house and fast as my legs would carry me after I had finished studying his terrifying face, but I stood, my feel had stiffened. I was shivering from head to toe. I stood there gazing at the creature in front of me for a long, long time.

I slowly crept back, back the way I had came, the way through the corridor, and finally into the night.

I stood outside the haunted house for a few seconds, staring up at the moon, studying the trees until I was sure that there were no more immortal burking on any of the branches. Then, as quietly as I could, I raced for home.
New Member03
I think you've done a very good job, Diona. Here are a few suggestions:

an old theatre which was used to show movies = an old movie theatre
covered in jagged grey stones-- buildings are not covered in, but made of...
a giant’s big mouth = a giant's mouth (we know giants are big-- that's why you used that word!)
knees started to jelly = knees turned to jelly (this is the idiom)
I started up...and went in. Difficult to do in one sentence. Try I climbed up...and went in.
jumper = jumped
lugged = tugged
so dark = very dark
reaches = reached

I stood, my feel had stiffened = I stood; my feet had stiffened
burking = lurking

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Anonymous:
Thanks soooo much, Mr Micawber! Some of teh mistakes were typos, though. Haha~
Thanks, Mr Micawber!!! Some of the mistakes were typos though. Haha~
Anonymous:
Emotion: poolpartyEmotion: mooningEmotion: batcool thanks for the help on my homework!
Anonymous:
Emotion: smileIt is really good .Good effort
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