Help!

hi,

i have a problem with expressions. i want to discuss some. i once wrote in my essay: 'eyes dilated, i watched and admired the heiroglyphics scraped out on the huge walls.' so tell me what is wrong with it because my teacher underlined the words 'eyes dilated' and wrote 'why, are you on drugs!!!

-is it correct to say: i explained him the problem in 'broken words'.?
-And can we use the phrase:'half faint'?
-can we use the word 'asunder' literally, like i wrote: 'i cut the fish asunder' and my teacher put a question mark on it.
-in another place i wrote: i could see the 'pale crimson suffused' in his eyes as he gave me a glare while i sat, petrified...what is wrong with the words in inverted commas.

tommorow is my english 'mock' exam for o levels and i cannot do anything other than write to u even though it will be of no help for tommorrow. but please reply soon. i badly need help for i get these horrible comments from my english teacher